| 00:03:42 | Hi, Schultzy.
|
| 00:03:44 | Have a cigarette?
|
| 00:03:45 | Go on, Schultz.
|
| 00:03:50 | Five guards with machine guns.
|
| 00:03:53 | They're sure not taking any chances
with those underground prisoners.
|
| 00:03:55 | NEWKIRK: And look who's guarding us-- Schultz.
|
| 00:03:57 | I think it's a plot to make us feel worthless.
|
| 00:03:59 | We will be if we don't free those prisoners.
|
| 00:04:01 | I don't want to seem negative, Colonel,
but getting those new prisoners out of the
cooler
won't exactly be a piece of cake.
|
| 00:04:07 | That translates into French asrien àà faire
and then back into English
as meaning definitely impossible.
|
| 00:04:12 | I'm with you.
|
| 00:04:13 | From Hilda.
|
| 00:04:14 | Information on the underground prisoners.
|
| 00:04:20 | "Lydon from Austria, Albens from Belgium,
Calaruso from Italy, Belét from France."
The major leaders of the underground.
|
| 00:04:27 | With those fellas out of action,
the Resistance movement will be at a standstill.
|
| 00:04:31 | Well, what are we going to do about it?
|
| 00:04:33 | It's simple-- a tunnel.
|
| 00:04:34 | We dig a tunnel.
|
| 00:04:35 | Forget it.
|
| 00:04:36 | It would take a week to dig a tunnel.
|
| 00:04:37 | That special escort will be here any day.
|
| 00:04:39 | Well, all right.
|
| 00:04:40 | It was a rotten idea,
but at least I was first.
|
| 00:04:42 | The cooler they're being kept in--
it's in pretty bad shape, isn't it?
|
| 00:04:46 | Shocking.
|
| 00:04:47 | And with the Red Cross inspector due,
it should be put in shape like the rest of
the camp--
new mattresses, new stove, right?
|
| 00:04:54 | Right, but I still don't see
how that's going to help us get those prisoners
out.
|
| 00:04:57 | Good.
|
| 00:04:58 | Maybe Klink won't see how either.
|
| 00:04:59 | And despite adverse conditions, I am again
forced to report
that Stalag 13 is operating at 100% efficiency.
|
| 00:05:08 | I guess that sums it up, Fraulein Hilda.
|
| 00:05:10 | Wouldn't you say so?
|
| 00:05:11 | Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
|
| 00:05:12 | Is that all?
|
| 00:05:14 | Not quite.
|
| 00:05:16 | You see, I just came into possession
of a perfectly splendid bottle of wine,
and I thought possibly this afternoon you
and I could...
|
| 00:05:22 | Not today, Colonel.
|
| 00:05:23 | I just don't quite feel up to it.
|
| 00:05:25 | Perhaps tomorrow?
|
| 00:05:26 | (door opens)
Fill out that memo in triplicate and send
it out immediately.
|
| 00:05:34 | Of course, sir.
|
| 00:05:38 | Hogan, I don't recall having sent for you.
|
| 00:05:41 | A very friendly attitude.
|
| 00:05:42 | I certainly hope the new camp commandant
is more agreeable.
|
| 00:05:45 | New camp comma...
|
| 00:05:48 | That's ridiculous!
|
| 00:05:49 | You didn't expect to keep your job
after the Red Cross inspector sees this place?
|
| 00:05:52 | You know, Hogan, there are times when you
can be most tiresome,
and this is one of them.
|
| 00:05:58 | Stalag 13 is a model prison camp.
|
| 00:06:01 | Really?
|
| 00:06:01 | Every inch.
|
| 00:06:02 | Including the cooler,
where the underground prisoners are being
held?
|
| 00:06:05 | The comfort of those prisoners
is Major Hochstetter's concern, not mine.
|
| 00:06:08 | You're not concerned.
|
| 00:06:09 | Well, I certainly think Major Hochstetter
wouldn't want to hear that.
|
| 00:06:13 | Hogan...
|
| 00:06:13 | Colonel, I'm trying to help you.
|
| 00:06:14 | Would Hochstetter do as much?
|
| 00:06:16 | He gave the orders.
|
| 00:06:17 | No one is to interfere with his prisoners.
|
| 00:06:19 | Sure, what does he care?
|
| 00:06:20 | Is the Red Cross going to mention his name
to the Inspector General?
|
| 00:06:23 | You can bet your monocle they won't.
|
| 00:06:25 | But that's different.
|
| 00:06:26 | Well, sure, it is.
|
| 00:06:27 | But just remember, the Inspector General
always has an extra ticket handy
for the Stalingrad Express.
|
| 00:06:35 | Just a moment, Hogan.
|
| 00:06:41 | What's to be done exactly?
|
| 00:06:42 | Nothing much-- clean up, a new stove.
|
| 00:06:44 | We have new mattresses;
they should have new mattresses.
|
| 00:06:47 | Otherwise the old ones will stick out like
a sore thumb.
|
| 00:06:50 | But Major Hochstetter...
|
| 00:06:51 | Change them when Hochstetter isn't around.
|
| 00:06:54 | It'll only take your men a few minutes.
|
| 00:06:56 | I'll supervise for you.
|
| 00:06:57 | My men?
|
| 00:06:59 | It's your idea.
|
| 00:06:59 | Your men will change them, and I will supervise.
|
| 00:07:02 | I wouldn't have it any other way.
|
| 00:07:13 | Can't your men work any faster?
|
| 00:07:14 | All right, come on, fellas.
|
| 00:07:16 | Speed it up.
|
| 00:07:20 | Look at the time.
|
| 00:07:21 | They're supposed to be finished by now.
|
| 00:07:23 | Relax.
|
| 00:07:24 | Hochstetter's in town, isn't he?
|
| 00:07:25 | What if he comes back early?
|
| 00:07:29 | not afraid of Hochstetter.
|
| 00:07:30 | If he interferes, tell him off.
|
| 00:07:31 | Yes, of course.
|
| 00:07:33 | I'm glad you feel that way,
because here he comes.
|
| 00:07:35 | What is going on here, Klink?
|
| 00:07:36 | What are these men doing around the restricted
area?
|
| 00:07:38 | Major Hochstetter, please control yourself.
|
| 00:07:40 | We're just doing a little housecleaning.
|
| 00:07:42 | Housecleaning?
|
| 00:07:43 | This is a prison.
|
| 00:07:44 | Major Hochstetter, back from town so soon?
|
| 00:07:46 | Klink, isn't this man ever locked up?
|
| 00:07:48 | Careful how you talk to Colonel Klink, sir.
|
| 00:07:51 | The Gestapo doesn't frighten him.
|
| 00:07:53 | Hogan!
|
| 00:07:54 | Sir, Colonel Hogan is most cooperative.
|
| 00:07:55 | It's the only way to be, sir.
|
| 00:07:56 | And I'm sure you've got more important things
to do,
so don't let us hold you up.
|
| 00:07:59 | HOCHSTETTER: What is this?
|
| 00:08:01 | This is a mattress.
|
| 00:08:02 | I know it's a mattress.
|
| 00:08:02 | What are you doing with it?
|
| 00:08:03 | Oh, that's all right, Major.
|
| 00:08:05 | They are just following my orders.
|
| 00:08:08 | Oh?
|
| 00:08:09 | The Red Cross inspector--
he would never approve those mattresses.
|
| 00:08:11 | Why? What's wrong with them?
|
| 00:08:12 | Well, they're old, they're worn.
|
| 00:08:15 | Probably contaminated.
|
| 00:08:17 | HOCHSTETTER: They look all right to me.
|
| 00:08:19 | Halt!
|
| 00:08:22 | Hogan, you and your men...
|
| 00:08:24 | HOCHSTETTER: The truck!
|
| 00:08:32 | This is your idea of housecleaning?
|
| 00:08:33 | Major Hochstetter, I don't understand.
|
| 00:08:36 | Believe me...
|
| 00:08:37 | Kruger!
|
| 00:08:39 | From now on, anyone who crosses this line
will be shot...
|
| 00:08:43 | Major Hochstetter...
|
| 00:08:44 | Especially Colonel Klink.
|
| 00:08:46 | This is unheard of.
|
| 00:08:47 | I assure you...
|
| 00:08:48 | Just a hunch, Colonel,
but I don't think you're wanted around here.
|
| 00:08:52 | We really blew that one.
|
| 00:08:54 | All the way.
|
| 00:08:55 | NEWKIRK: Yeah, the old Kraut's going to be
pretty tough to live with from now on.
|
| 00:08:58 | Oh, I can handle Klink.
|
| 00:08:59 | It's the guys in the underground I'm worried
about.
|
| 00:09:02 | We can't forget about them.
|
| 00:09:03 | Hochstetter's doubled the guard.
|
| 00:09:04 | LeBeau's right-- they're done for.
|
| 00:09:06 | NEWKIRK: They won't get out till the war's
over.
|
| 00:09:11 | Yeah.
|
| 00:09:13 | Yeah, that's it.
|
| 00:09:14 | NEWKIRK: What's it?
|
| 00:09:16 | What you said.
|
| 00:09:16 | That's the answer.
|
| 00:09:17 | They won't get out until the war's over.
|
| 00:09:19 | NEWKIRK: So?
|
| 00:09:20 | It's simple.
|
| 00:09:21 | We'll end the war.
|
| 00:09:24 | Do you really think
we're going to convince Klink and Hochstetter
that the war is over?
|
| 00:09:27 | There's no guarantee, but if we pull it off,
those underground prisoners are going to
go free.
|
| 00:09:31 | It's got to be worth a try.
|
| 00:09:33 | All right, good.
|
| 00:09:34 | Thomas...
|
| 00:09:35 | The radio station in Hammelburg.
|
| 00:09:36 | We'll take it exactly 4:55.
|
| 00:09:37 | You got your script?
|
| 00:09:38 | Yeah, right here.
|
| 00:09:39 | All right, good.
|
| 00:09:40 | Newkirk...
|
| 00:09:40 | I take care of the switchboard, sir.
|
| 00:09:42 | And you intercept Hochstetter's call to Berlin.
|
| 00:09:44 | What if he doesn't make it?
|
| 00:09:46 | Don't worry, he'll make it.
|
| 00:09:47 | LeBeau...
|
| 00:09:48 | Dummy newspaper-- plant it on Schultz.
|
| 00:09:51 | Good.
|
| 00:09:51 | Now, Hilda knows what to do?
|
| 00:09:53 | Don't worry.
|
| 00:09:54 | She'll get Klink to turn on the radio
at exactly 5:00, just for you...
|
| 00:09:57 | and a pound of coffee and six pair of nylons.
|
| 00:10:00 | Ain't love grand?
|
| 00:10:02 | Thanks.
|
| 00:10:03 | Let's go.
|
| 00:10:06 | Fraulein Hilda, one sip of this
and you won't be able to control yourself.
|
| 00:10:11 | Why, Colonel, whatever gave you the idea
that I would want to control myself?
|
| 00:10:16 | Don't be bashful.
|
| 00:10:17 | Bottoms up.
|
| 00:10:20 | Mmm... marvelous.
|
| 00:10:23 | It makes me feel warm all over.
|
| 00:10:25 | Me, too.
|
| 00:10:27 | But you haven't had any yet.
|
| 00:10:29 | Oh.
|
| 00:10:31 | Do you know what I'd really like?
|
| 00:10:33 | Name it.
|
| 00:10:35 | Music.
|
| 00:10:36 | Romantic music.
|
| 00:10:39 | (clicks radio on)
(music playing on radio)
(music ends)
That was nice,ja?
|
| 00:10:50 | And now our Fuhrer's favorite, The Ride of
the Valkyries,
dedicated to our victorious troops on the
Russian front.
|
| 00:10:59 | ( The Ride of the Valkyries playing)
(shuts off phonograph)
Achtung! Achtung!
|
| 00:11:12 | We interrupt this program
to bring you an important news bulletin.
|
| 00:11:16 | The war is over.
|
| 00:11:16 | KINCHLOE (continues): Armistice has been
declared.
|
| 00:11:18 | At 4:55 this afternoon, the Berlin High Command
announced
the end of hostilities between Germany and
Allied forces,
officially ending the war.
|
| 00:11:29 | We repeat, the war is over!
|
| 00:11:30 | Stay tuned to this station for further bulletins.
|
| 00:11:38 | Frau Hilda, did you hear that?
|
| 00:11:40 | The war is over.
|
| 00:11:41 | Call Colonel Hogan, Major Hochstetter.
|
| 00:11:43 | The war is over!
|
| 00:11:44 | It's over! It's over.
|
| 00:15:40 | over?
|
| 00:15:40 | You can take my word for it.
|
| 00:15:43 | The war is definitely over.
|
| 00:15:45 | (door slams, footsteps clopping)
(female voice): Oh, what about the party?
|
| 00:15:48 | Everybody's coming and it's my...
|
| 00:15:49 | (as Bomberg): Oh,Liebchen,give me one...
|
| 00:15:51 | (another voice): But you told me...
|
| 00:15:53 | (as Bomberg): Ah, but ladies, please, please...
|
| 00:15:55 | You're tearing my uniform!
|
| 00:15:57 | Get back!
|
| 00:15:58 | (horns blow)
Oh, so long, Hochstetter!
|
| 00:16:08 | Well, it's over.
|
| 00:16:09 | It's really over.
|
| 00:16:11 | See, I told you so.
|
| 00:16:13 | (humming)
"D-Der Krieg Ist Zu Ende!"
Der... der Krieg ist zu Ende!!
|
| 00:16:26 | Believe me, Hogan, if Bomberg says the war
is over,
the war is over.
|
| 00:16:29 | Really, Hogan, you're the most stubborn man
I've ever met.
|
| 00:16:33 | I'm not stubborn, I'm wise to you.
|
| 00:16:34 | You release the prisoners, they walk out
the gate,
the Gestapo's waiting outside with machine
guns--
"Shot while escaping."
I'm just not buying it, Klink.
|
| 00:16:44 | Colonel!
|
| 00:16:45 | Colonel!
|
| 00:16:45 | Colonel, it's over!
|
| 00:16:47 | The war is over!
|
| 00:16:49 | Well, Hogan,
what do you say now?
|
| 00:16:54 | I... I don't know what to think.
|
| 00:16:58 | (groans)
I am the colonel, you are the sergeant,
and you are not discharged yet.
|
| 00:17:03 | Speaking of discharges, what are you planning
on doing, Colonel,
I mean, if the war is really over?
|
| 00:17:08 | Well, back to civilian life.
|
| 00:17:10 | You know, Hogan, a man with my experience
as a bookkeeper
shouldn't have any trouble finding work.
|
| 00:17:16 | All the big companies need bookkeepers.
|
| 00:17:19 | How about you, Schultz?
|
| 00:17:20 | I was in toys, but the government took over
the toy factory
for the war effort.
|
| 00:17:25 | Now that the war is over,
I hope they're going to give back the toy
factory.
|
| 00:17:29 | Then we can make toys again.
|
| 00:17:31 | And what company was it, Schultz?
|
| 00:17:32 | The Schatzi Toy Company.
|
| 00:17:35 | Oh.
|
| 00:17:35 | Hogan, you wouldn't know about that,
but the Schatzi Toy Company is the biggest
toy company
in all of Germany.
|
| 00:17:40 | Schultz, do you think your boss
would give you your old job back, huh?
|
| 00:17:43 | Why not?
|
| 00:17:45 | I'm the boss.
|
| 00:17:47 | You own the Schatzi Toy Company?
|
| 00:17:50 | Jawohl.
|
| 00:17:54 | Schultz, would you like a cigar?
|
| 00:17:56 | Thank you, Colonel.
|
| 00:17:57 | Please don't call me "Colonel."
Call me "Wilhelm."
Danke, Wilhelm.
|
| 00:18:06 | Hogan, you're a free man.
|
| 00:18:07 | The war is over.
|
| 00:18:08 | You may go.
|
| 00:18:08 | If you don't mind, I'll wait.
|
| 00:18:10 | I'm still not sold.
|
| 00:18:11 | Do as you wish.
|
| 00:18:12 | Of course it's really none of my business,
Major Hochstetter,
but you could help erase the bad image the
Gestapo has
by releasing your prisoners now.
|
| 00:18:19 | I mean, they're civilians--
that is, if the war is really over.
|
| 00:18:23 | Hogan, the war is over!
|
| 00:18:26 | But I think I'd better wait.
|
| 00:18:27 | A special armed guard is on its way here
from Berlin
to pick them up.
|
| 00:18:32 | Believe me, Hochstetter, those armed guards
turned back
the moment they heard the news.
|
| 00:18:36 | While you're here waiting for them,
they're back in Berlin dancing in the streets.
|
| 00:18:41 | You may be right.
|
| 00:18:42 | And I think Colonel Hogan had a very good
suggestion.
|
| 00:18:44 | I don't think it would do any harm
for the Gestapo to act a little bit more
human.
|
| 00:18:49 | Klink!
|
| 00:18:49 | Careful, the war is over.
|
| 00:18:53 | You know what?
|
| 00:18:54 | What?
|
| 00:18:57 | I think I will go release my prisoners.
|
| 00:19:02 | Now I'm convinced the war is over.
|
| 00:19:06 | ALL: ♪♪ In all my dreams ♪♪
|
| 00:19:10 | ♪♪ In all my dreams... ♪♪
|
| 00:19:13 | Look at them.
|
| 00:19:14 | I told them they can go
and they're having such a good time,
they don't want to leave.
|
| 00:19:17 | No oneeverwants to leave Stalag 13.
|
| 00:19:20 | Excuse me a minute.
|
| 00:19:20 | I should be sharing this moment with my men.
|
| 00:19:24 | (singing and laughing)
All right, hold it, hold it.
|
| 00:19:30 | We didn't go to all this work
just to have the eight of you organize a
singing group.
|
| 00:19:34 | Sorry, Colonel, we couldn't tell them.
|
| 00:19:36 | Schultz was here.
|
| 00:19:37 | Okay, beat it.
|
| 00:19:38 | Haven't you heard, Colonel?
|
| 00:19:40 | The war is over!
|
| 00:19:41 | I know, the five of us ended it,
and as soon as Klink and Hochstetter find
out,
they're going to start it up again.
|
| 00:19:46 | What a beautiful job.
|
| 00:19:47 | How did you do it?
|
| 00:19:48 | No time now.
|
| 00:19:49 | You can read about it next month inStars
and Stripes,
now beat it.
|
| 00:19:53 | Keep up the good work.
|
| 00:19:54 | Yeah, same to you.
|
| 00:19:55 | Come on.
|
| 00:19:56 | Good-bye, then.
|
| 00:19:57 | Hold it, hold it.
|
| 00:19:58 | You guys should go in style.
|
| 00:19:59 | Major Hochstetter, can I see you a minute,
please?
|
| 00:20:02 | Don't push your luck, Colonel.
|
| 00:20:03 | Haven't you heard? There's a war on.
|
| 00:20:05 | You've got to take chances.
|
| 00:20:09 | Yes?
|
| 00:20:10 | Your... your prisoners have decided to leave
us,
but it's a long hike into town.
|
| 00:20:14 | I was wondering if they might borrow your
car.
|
| 00:20:16 | Borrow my car?
|
| 00:20:17 | Well, they'll return it tomorrow, won't you,
fellas?
|
| 00:20:20 | MAN: Yeah.
|
| 00:20:20 | These are going to be big men in industry,
and who knows?
|
| 00:20:24 | You may need a job.
|
| 00:20:26 | Well, I don't...
|
| 00:20:27 | Look, I'll tell you what.
|
| 00:20:29 | I'll sign for it.
|
| 00:20:29 | If they don't return it, I'll pay for it.
|
| 00:20:32 | Yes, but...
|
| 00:20:33 | What difference does it make?
|
| 00:20:34 | The war's over.
|
| 00:20:35 | Well, yes, the war is over... but...
|
| 00:20:40 | Well, all right, take the car.
|
| 00:20:47 | (car engine starts)
Well, gentlemen, shall we celebrate?
|
| 00:21:17 | Ah, General Busse, this is indeed a great
pleasure.
|
| 00:21:20 | Speak for yourself, Klink.
|
| 00:21:21 | Now, what is this-- guards without guns,
uniforms unbuttoned, prisoners running wild?
|
| 00:21:27 | Well, I...
|
| 00:21:28 | You call this discipline?
|
| 00:21:29 | No, sir.
|
| 00:21:31 | General.
|
| 00:21:32 | At ease.
|
| 00:21:33 | I heard in Berlin that congratulations are
in order.
|
| 00:21:36 | Capturing those underground leaders
is quite a feather in your cap, huh?
|
| 00:21:40 | Thank you, General.
|
| 00:21:41 | Of course, it doesn't mean as much now, hmm?
|
| 00:21:44 | Now that the war is over?
|
| 00:21:47 | The what is what?
|
| 00:21:50 | The war-- it's over.
|
| 00:21:52 | The war is over.
|
| 00:21:53 | That's right, General.
|
| 00:21:54 | Haven't you heard?
|
| 00:21:55 | No, and neither have the Americans.
|
| 00:21:57 | They bombed Berlin just one half hour ago.
|
| 00:22:00 | You mean the war isn't over?
|
| 00:22:03 | Of course it is not over!
|
| 00:22:05 | Gee, Hochstetter, what a bad break,
and after you let those four underground
prisoners go.
|
| 00:22:09 | But you made a lot of friends for the Gestapo.
|
| 00:22:12 | You stupid fool, you!
|
| 00:22:14 | You have been tricked.
|
| 00:22:16 | And you... you... you idiot, you.
|
| 00:22:20 | I will see to it that you are...
|
| 00:22:21 | Sir, I hate to butt in,
but all of Colonel Klink's prisoners are
still here.
|
| 00:22:25 | That's right.
|
| 00:22:27 | That's right!
|
| 00:22:28 | Schultz, close the gates.
|
| 00:22:30 | The war is bk on.
|
| 00:22:33 | I will deal with you back in Berlin.
|
| 00:22:35 | Now follow me in your car.
|
| 00:22:37 | (clicks heels)
My car?
|
| 00:22:43 | ..
|
| 00:22:46 | Well, sir...
|
| 00:22:47 | my car...
|
| 00:22:50 | Uh, sir, knowing your sense of fair play,
you can understand the major
lending his car to the prisoners.
|
| 00:22:56 | I mean, it's miles to town.
|
| 00:22:57 | You did what?!
|
| 00:23:01 | Get in my car!
|
| 00:24:41 | q@óq@q@@@@@@@@@q@@qñ @ñ
Hogan,
amazing.
|
| 00:25:06 | What was, sir?
|
| 00:25:07 | That the underground could create such a
hoax.
|
| 00:25:08 | I'm surprised they fooled the Gestapo.
|
| 00:25:10 | Well, it didn't surprise me.
|
| 00:25:12 | I'll remember that.
|
| 00:25:13 | You'll forget it.
|
| 00:25:17 | Wilhelm, if you work for me after the war,
I hope you won't be so easily fooled.
|
| 00:25:25 | You and Hochstetter...
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| 00:25:32 | (cigar box closes)
The war isnotover.
|
| 00:25:36 | The war isnotover.
|
| 00:25:39 | Out?
|
| 00:25:40 | Out!
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| 00:25:43 | Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
|
| 00:25:45 | What was that you said about the Gestapo?
|
| 00:25:50 | Forget it.
|
| 00:25:59 | He would make a lousy bookkeeper.
|
| 00:26:07 | Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT
Of education
and MTV NETWORKS
And starring james arness as matt dillon.
|
| 00:27:28 | (whinnying)
That's enough out of you.
|
| 00:27:43 | Now get inside!
|
| 00:27:44 | You ain't near had all of me
you're going to get, dillon.
|
| 00:27:49 | Over there.
|
| 00:27:56 | Get in there!
|
| 00:28:00 | Hey, what about these things here?
|
| 00:28:09 | How long you figure on keeping me here?
|
| 00:28:11 | I'll let you know that tomorrow.
|
| 00:28:29 | Thanks, hank.
|
| 00:28:30 | Can you put them away?
|
| 00:28:32 | Sure.
|
| 00:29:00 | (sighing)
♪ Six big catfish a-waiting to be ate ♪
|