| 00:00:01 | Off the empire state building?
|
| 00:00:02 | - [screams]
announcer: THEN, LATER,
It's not good
to toot your own horn.
|
| 00:00:06 | You need a willing chick
to do it for you.
|
| 00:00:09 | - Ohh!
|
| 00:00:09 | announcer: HOW CAN YOU BE
Six times more likely
to get oral sex?
|
| 00:00:14 | Come back
for moremanswers!
|
| 00:03:22 | announcer: WE'RE NOT TALKIN'
About floggin' the dolphin
or pumpin' the python.
|
| 00:03:31 | The master of manipulating
the purple-headed
..
|
| 00:03:37 | The elephant.
|
| 00:03:39 | - Elephants do masturbate.
|
| 00:03:40 | I've seen it
on several occasions.
|
| 00:03:41 | They actually use
the tip of their trunk.
|
| 00:03:43 | Just imagine, it's masturbating
with your nose,
which is kind of bizarre.
|
| 00:03:47 | - [trumpets]
- They do, and often.
|
| 00:03:48 | announcer: ACCORDING TO
The african wildlife foundation,
the elephant's trunk
has 40,000 muscles
and can support
over 550 pounds!
|
| 00:03:58 | But that's nothing
compared
to his ginormous
pachyderm pocket pistol!
|
| 00:04:03 | - An elephant's penis
is about six feet,
..
|
| 00:04:06 | [boing]
And, uh, about 55 pounds.
|
| 00:04:09 | - [screams]
announcer: AND TALK
About talent.
|
| 00:04:11 | This guy can scratch
his stomach with his pudd!
|
| 00:04:14 | - [trumpets]
announcer: HOLY CRAP!
|
| 00:04:16 | Who wouldn't
want to do that?
|
| 00:04:18 | - Big penis.
|
| 00:04:23 | announcer: HANDS DOWN,
It's the elephant!
|
| 00:04:27 | [elephant trumpets]
Taking a leak
is always free, right?
|
| 00:04:36 | Wrong!
|
| 00:04:37 | Sometimes
taking a leak
can bust
your bank account.
|
| 00:04:44 | So how could
your golden stream
cost you
some greenbacks?
|
| 00:04:48 | You could pay to piss
in a public toilet,
but most public toilets
only cost 25 cents
a tinkle,
not $50 million.
|
| 00:04:56 | [buzzer]
Would the priciest pisser
on the planet
cost 50 million?
|
| 00:05:01 | An exhibition in hong kong
recently unveiled
a bathroom
made of 6,200 gemstones
and over 800 pounds
of gold!
|
| 00:05:10 | Talk about
your golden shower.
|
| 00:05:12 | But this thing
has only been valued
as high as 10.3 million.
|
| 00:05:17 | [buzzer]
The one way
taking a whizz
will cause you
..
|
| 00:05:25 | By crashing
an f-16 fighter jet
while you're doing it!
|
| 00:05:29 | - Pilot to base,
code yellow.
|
| 00:05:31 | Repeat, code yellow.
|
| 00:05:31 | announcer: IN-FLIGHT PISSING
Can be tricky.
|
| 00:05:34 | A pilot must unbuckle
his harness
and shift position to use
the traditional piddle pack,
which is basically
a sponge in a bag.
|
| 00:05:41 | And the associated press
has reported
two cases
of f-16 crashes
because
of a whizz gone wrong.
|
| 00:05:48 | One crash
was in turkey,
when the pilot's
belt buckle
got wedged
in the controls,
and another
went down in iraq
after the pilot
hit the rudder pedals
in the middle
of his piddle.
|
| 00:06:00 | Thankfully,
the pilots ejected,
but the $50 million jets
were lost!
|
| 00:06:06 | [explosions]
Uncle sam finally
got pissed off,
so they got a company
called omni medical systems
..
|
| 00:06:19 | Their spokeswoman
explains.
|
| 00:06:21 | - The advanced mission
extender device
is a bladder-relief device
used by military pilots.
|
| 00:06:26 | It enables pilots
to stay strapped and harnessed
within the aircraft,
and they can urinate
at the same time.
|
| 00:06:30 | announcer: TALK ABOUT
Pampering your pilots.
|
| 00:06:33 | It's an ultra-cozy
in-flight port-a-potty.
|
| 00:06:36 | - From the back,
you would see where the male
would insert himself
inside the cup.
|
| 00:06:39 | announcer: YOU GOTTA PUT
Your pole in the hole!
|
| 00:06:42 | [bell clanging]
- The urine will travel
from the male cup
through the hose
into the collection bag.
|
| 00:06:47 | announcer: AND THIS PISS POUCH
Only costs two grand,
25,000 times less
than a jet.
|
| 00:06:58 | By crashing
a fighter jet!
|
| 00:07:02 | Now here's a question
that you submitted
on spike.com.
|
| 00:07:05 | - Can you kill someone
by dropping a nickel
off the empire state building?
|
| 00:07:09 | announcer: DUDE,
That's a great manswer!
|
| 00:07:13 | Is it possible?
|
| 00:07:14 | Can a guy
get his skull smashed
by a 5 cent slug?
|
| 00:07:18 | Find out
when we come back.
|
| 00:07:21 | Also coming up,
how can you be
six times more likely
to get oral sex?
|
| 00:07:26 | Find out
..
|
| 00:07:28 | - [whimpering]
Whenmanswersreturns.
|
| 00:10:07 | announcer:
It's an urban legend
that everyone's heard.
|
| 00:10:20 | Here are the stats.
|
| 00:10:22 | A nickel is 1/5 of an ounce,
the empire state building
is 1,250 feet high.
|
| 00:10:27 | Is it a killer combination?
|
| 00:10:29 | According to the armed forces
institute of pathology,
it takes a force
of 250 foot-pounds
to smash a dude's skull.
|
| 00:10:38 | That's the same
as a bullet!
|
| 00:10:40 | [gunshot]
A nickel falls at a rate
of 32 feet
per second squared.
|
| 00:10:44 | It would reach
177 miles per hour,
as fast
as a sports car.
|
| 00:10:50 | But there's one thing
slowing it down.
|
| 00:10:52 | [brakes screech]
Air!
|
| 00:10:54 | [sultry music]
The building's massive size
creates a powerful
upward wind shear,
blowing back on the nickel
and slowing it way down.
|
| 00:11:07 | it would take a hell
of a lot more than one.
|
| 00:11:14 | [clanks]
Sometimes you want
to wet your whistle.
|
| 00:11:21 | Other times, you just want
to blow off some steam.
|
| 00:11:24 | [whistle blows]
But not all chicks
like to smoke the stogie.
|
| 00:11:27 | You need a way to stack
the odds in your favor.
|
| 00:11:35 | - Hang around fat chicks.
|
| 00:11:36 | It's a guarantee
right there.
|
| 00:11:38 | - Work at a carnival.
|
| 00:11:40 | - Ha ha, me?
|
| 00:11:41 | I ain't gotta do nothin'.
|
| 00:11:42 | announcer:
Purebred pole polishers
are hard to come by.
|
| 00:11:46 | Why?
|
| 00:11:47 | We asked
a psychologist.
|
| 00:01:24 | announcer: IF A CHICK CLAIMS
You can't express how you feel,
then tell her
to check out your balls!
|
| 00:01:34 | - The fact of the matter
is your balls
will reveal a lot about you.
|
| 00:01:38 | They're always gonna
tell the truth.
|
| 00:01:39 | announcer: ACCORDING
To the university of cambridge
department of psychology,
if your balls are high,
that means you're cold.
|
| 00:01:47 | Or you're scared!
|
| 00:01:49 | In these situations,
your body releases chemicals
to the cremaster
and tunica dartos muscles
of the scrotum,
and they contract involuntarily.
|
| 00:01:58 | They raise up
an inch and a half.
|
| 00:02:00 | It's like they're taking
the express elevator
to the penthouse.
|
| 00:02:04 | - The body will withdraw
the testicles
into the body
to protect them.
|
| 00:02:08 | announcer: SO WHAT'S IT MEAN
If your boys are low
and swingin' free?
|
| 00:02:12 | - According to doctors
at the cleveland clinic,
when you're happy,
the sympathetic nervous system
is more relaxed,
and therefore
your testicles hang lower.
|
| 00:02:20 | - Hey, I'm hangin' here!
|
| 00:02:21 | announcer:
And there's one more secret
they can reveal.
|
| 00:02:24 | - A study from the university
of western ontario
determined that when a man's
left testicle was larger,
he was more creative.
|
| 00:02:30 | announcer:
And more creative
means you're a regular
vincent van gonad!
|
| 00:02:37 | A lot, so the next time someone
asks you how they're hanging,
you'll know
what to tell 'em!
|
| 00:02:48 | [cougar growls]
That bangin' british babe
at the bar
is totally ready
to play yankee doodle
with your big ben.
|
| 00:02:57 | But wait, dude!
|
| 00:02:58 | Something here stinks!
|
| 00:03:04 | If an english babe
wants to mash your banger,
you gotta get
out of there, pronto!
|
| 00:03:11 | But why?
|
| 00:03:11 | Do they have the strongest
rod-wrecking grip
in the world?
|
| 00:03:15 | According to the department
of sports medicine
and physiotherapy at india's
guru nanak dev university,
taller chicks
have stronger grips.
|
| 00:03:25 | And at an average height
of 5'7",
the world's tallest chicks
are dutch!
|
| 00:03:31 | So british babes
won't mangle your man meat.
|
| 00:03:35 | Maybe you shouldn't let her
get her mitts
on your magna carta,
'cause she won't know
what to do with it.
|
| 00:03:41 | A study from the british
sexual fantasy research project
found that 79% of cuties
from the u.k.
|
| 00:03:48 | Bang on a regular basis.
|
| 00:03:49 | That means they're pros when it
comes to handling your hose.
|
| 00:03:54 | So that's not why you need
a hands-off foreign policy.
|
| 00:03:57 | You don't want a british chick
touching your love stick,
..
|
| 00:04:05 | Poop hands!
|
| 00:04:06 | A study by the london school
of hygiene and tropical medicine
found that 31% of chicks
in england
had fecal bacteria
on their hands,
'cause they don't
wash their hands
after dropping the hooligans
off at the soccer match.
|
| 00:04:20 | - [gags]
announcer: THEY'RE GETTING CRAP
All over their country!
|
| 00:04:24 | So when this british invasion
reaches below your belt,
you better back off!
|
| 00:04:30 | - Ohhh!
|
| 00:04:33 | Aaaah!
|
| 00:04:38 | 'Cause they got poop
on their paws.
|
| 00:04:42 | [toilet flushing]
Now here's a question
that you submitted on spike.com.
|
| 00:04:49 | - What's the most dangerous way
TO GET [bleep] UP?
|
| 00:04:52 | announcer: DUDE,
That's a mind-blowing manswer!
|
| 00:05:02 | According the the national
institute on drug abuse,
shooting heroin
on a regular basis
can lead to liver disease,
kidney disease,
and collapsed veins.
|
| 00:05:11 | It can also cause a user's
respiratory system to shut down.
|
| 00:05:15 | Methamphetamines
have been known
to have been cut
with rat poison,
drain cleaner,
and antifreeze.
|
| 00:05:21 | You'd have to be nuts
to do that!
|
| 00:05:23 | But neither smack nor meth
is the most dangerous
high out there.
|
| 00:05:27 | Find out which high
is mostly likely
|
| 00:00:02 | Which habit is guaranteed
to shorten your pud?
|
| 00:00:04 | Plus, is she really being
touched for the very first time?
|
| 00:00:09 | How can you tell
if she's a virgin?
|
| 00:00:10 | To find out, you gotta drag
..
|
| 00:00:15 | - Hang in there.
|
| 00:00:16 | Manswerswill be right back.
|
| 00:00:18 | [bell chimes]
♪
|
| 00:02:24 | ♪ $5 ♪
|
| 00:02:26 | ♪ $5 footlong ♪
|
| 00:02:28 | ♪ febru-any any 5 ♪
|
| 00:02:31 | ♪ $5 ♪
|
| 00:02:33 | ♪ $5 footlong ♪
|
| 00:02:35 | ♪ febru-any any 5 ♪
|
| 00:02:37 | ♪ you c-c-can't go wrong ♪
|
| 00:02:39 | [ Male Announcer ] FEBRUARY'S NOW FEBRU-ANY.
|
| 00:02:41 | This month, every day,
any of your favorite regular footlongs are
$5 footlongs!
|
| 00:02:45 | Even the taster-ific turkey breast
and zesty italian b.m.t.
|
| 00:02:49 | Join the celebration!
|
| 00:03:54 | announcer: THE WORST WAY
To get high ain't heroin,
and it ain't meth.
|
| 00:03:58 | ..
|
| 00:04:01 | The drug that destroys
..
|
| 00:04:04 | - Aaah!
|
| 00:04:07 | announcer:
Is c-4 plastic explosives!
|
| 00:04:11 | A chemist explains.
|
| 00:04:12 | - Typically,
c-4 is used by military
and industrial applications
for demolitions.
|
| 00:04:18 | announcer: BUT HOW DOES IT
Get a guy high?
|
| 00:04:20 | - You can get high
by consuming c-4.
|
| 00:04:23 | One of the main components
is rdx.
|
| 00:04:26 | Rdx contains
a trimethylene group
which has been found to have
analgesic effects.
|
| 00:04:32 | announcer: THAT GIVES C-4
The intoxicating power
of grain alcohol!
|
| 00:04:36 | That's why american soldiers
took it in vietnam.
|
| 00:04:40 | But there's a downside.
|
| 00:04:41 | According to the society
for science and the public,
as little as 25 grams of c-4
..
|
| 00:04:51 | ..
|
| 00:04:52 | That sucks!
|
| 00:04:53 | But what makes c-4
the most dangerous drug
is that an accidental detonation
would unleash
an 18,000-mile-per-hour
pressure wave
and literally
blow a dude's mind.
|
| 00:05:09 | C-4 plastic explosives!
|
| 00:05:17 | There's all kinds of stuff
oozing out of you,
but which goop takes the gold
for the most gallons?
|
| 00:05:27 | According to the cdc,
the average dude lives
a life span of 77.6 years.
|
| 00:05:35 | With all the bangin' and tuggin'
a dude does daily,
the most plentiful spew
has got to be sperm, right?
|
| 00:05:42 | According ot the journal
of fertility and sterility,
a guy busts off 1/10 of an ounce
of gunk from his junk
per funk session.
|
| 00:05:50 | Even if he hits a homer
every day,
that's only 16 gallons
in a lifetime.
|
| 00:05:57 | [buzzer sounds]
Maybe the stuff
you squirt out the most is piss!
|
| 00:06:01 | According to the u.s.
|
| 00:06:02 | National library of medicine,
the average dude dribbles out
47 ounces every day.
|
| 00:06:08 | That's 10,050 gallons
in a lifetime!
|
| 00:06:12 | That's enough to fill up
20 hot tubs!
|
| 00:06:16 | But it ain't the most.
|
| 00:06:17 | [buzzer sounds]
There is one body fluid
that beats all others--
the sultan of secretion,
the tower of oozing power.
|
| 00:06:26 | ..
|
| 00:06:28 | Snot?
|
| 00:06:30 | According to the medical college
of wisconsin,
you produce a quart
of green grease a day,
just in your nose!
|
| 00:06:36 | But up to three quarts
of mucus is secreted
to lube the inner linings
of your stomach
and intestinal tract.
|
| 00:06:42 | And it gets reabsorbed
or pooped out and replaced
every 20 hours!
|
| 00:06:47 | That's 28,930 gallons
of mucus in a lifetime,
enough to fill a backyard pool
with snot.
|
| 00:06:58 | It's got to be snot!
|
| 00:07:05 | Some habits come
with a hefty price.
|
| 00:07:08 | Drinking too much
can knock you out cold.
|
| 00:07:11 | Driving too fast
can get you killed.
|
| 00:07:15 | But there's one obsession
that can cause
a fate worse than death.
|
| 00:07:23 | Is it your eating habits?
|
| 00:07:25 | According to the harvard school
of public medicine,
obese dudes are 2 1/2 times
more likely
to have erectile dysfunction
than average-sized guys.
|
| 00:07:34 | Fatty may have a tough time
keeping his hot dog hard,
but that dink ain't gonna
permanently shrink.
|
| 00:07:40 | [buzzer sounds]
So what about everyone's
favorite habit?
|
| 00:07:43 | According to the tabriz
medical university in iran,
having arms talks
with your little ahmadinejad
could cure a stuffy nose,
but it won't shorten
your hose!
|
| 00:07:55 | [buzzer sounds]
You could be doing something
right now
that is miniaturizing
your man meat.
|
| 00:08:00 | ..
|
| 00:08:02 | Until we get back.
|
| 00:08:04 | Also coming up,
you can tell if she's a virgin
by what she puts
in her mouth.
|
| 00:08:08 | We'll reveal
the tantalizing secret
..
|
| 00:11:22 | announcer: IT'S NOT
What you jam in your gob
or how much
..
|
| 00:11:30 | The one regular activity
that could turn
..
|
| 00:11:38 | According to
the university of illinois,
getting a stiffy is all about
good blood flow.
|
| 00:11:43 | But the carbon monoxide
in cigarettes
causes fat and plaque
to stick to the walls
of your blood vessels,
making them calcify.
|
| 00:11:50 | And that could shrink
your beef stick
8 centimeters
in your lifetime!
|
| 00:12:00 | Smoking!
|
| 00:12:05 | But if you don't mind
getting small,
puff away!
|
| 00:12:12 | Nothing beats being
the first spelunker
to lower yourself
into her love cave.
|
| 00:12:19 | But how the hell can you tell
if you nobody
has explored there before?
|
| 00:12:28 | All you gotta do is whip out
your handy virgin detector.
|
| 00:12:32 | [clang]
..
|
| 00:12:36 | ..
|
| 00:12:38 | Virgin!
|
| 00:12:40 | [cheers and applause]
Okay, virgin detectors
aren't real.
|
| 00:12:44 | But there
is another way to tell.
|
| 00:12:46 | If a chick's wearing
a purity ring,
does that mean she's
never had a hot beef injection?
|
| 00:12:53 | We asked a sex therapist!
|
| 00:12:54 | - According to the journal
of adolescent health,
6% of women
who wear purity rings
have already had sex.
|
| 00:13:01 | announcer:
So no!
|
| 00:13:03 | What about really smart
college chicks?
|
| 00:13:06 | Are they too busy
hitting the books
to let you hit the booty?
|
| 00:13:08 | - Yes!
|
| 00:13:10 | announcer: ACCORDING TO
The independent women's forum,
61% of college hotties
are down with banging.
|
| 00:13:16 | But there's a problem.
|
| 00:13:17 | - Smarter women tend to be
more attracted to older men.
|
| 00:13:20 | announcer: SO THEY'RE
..
|
| 00:13:22 | To grandpa!
|
| 00:13:25 | [buzzer sounds]
The one sure-fire way
to tell if a chick's
as pure as the driven snow
is to see if she's
..
|
| 00:13:38 | According to a survey
by the japanese health ministry,
women who reported
eating breakfast
every day in their teens
lost their virginity,
on average,
two years later than women
who skipped breakfast.
|
| 00:13:50 | Why?
|
| 00:13:50 | - Women who are happy at home
and have a good family life
tend to eat breakfast.
|
| 00:13:55 | The women who skip out
on breakfast
usually aren't too happy
at home,
so they tend to have sex
at an earlier age.
|
| 00:14:01 | announcer:
Breakfast really is
the most important meal
of the day.
|
| 00:14:05 | [crunch]
- By the size of her breakfast.
|
| 00:14:12 | announcer: SO IF SHE
Eats bacon in the morning,
you'll be the first to slip her
the sausage at night.
|
| 00:14:20 | So what have we
learned tonight?
|
| 00:14:21 | If a british chick offers you
a union jack,
make sure she hits the head
before she hits your head.
|
| 00:14:28 | How do you survive a hit
from an errant arrow?
|
| 00:14:31 | Be a tree hugger!
|
| 00:14:33 | When it comes to drugs,
it's best not to get
the most bang for your buck.
|
| 00:14:38 | Get a grip
WITH SOME DYNAMIC "D"s,
And they'll brighten up
your day.
|
| 00:14:42 | And finally, if she's better
at chowing down than going down,
then she's a virgin.
|
| 00:14:48 | We've got lots more
whacked-out and sexy stories,
..
|
| 00:14:53 | Captioning byCaptionMax
www.captionmax.com
male announcer: GET READY
For the coolest, toughest,
most bodaciously
sexy stories,
the ones only real guys
care about.
|
| 00:15:41 | They'remanswers,
faster and harder
than ever before!
|
| 00:15:44 | Tonight!
|
| 00:15:45 | - Go! go! go! go!
|
| 00:15:45 | - You've gotten smashed before,
but never like this!
|
| 00:15:49 | How flat would you be
if you were run over
by a steamroller?
|
| 00:15:54 | Ever thought about playing
hide the enchilada
with a hot, young
taco taster?
|
| 00:15:59 | You can do it,
if you know the secret.
|
| 00:16:01 | Break the seal
without breaking the bank.
|
| 00:16:04 | When can taking a piss
cost $50 million?
|
| 00:16:08 | What's the secret
to getting girls
who like to go downtown?
|
| 00:16:12 | You can be
six times more likely
to have oral sex.
|
| 00:16:16 | ..
|
| 00:16:17 | - [farts]
Announcer: You drop butt bombs
that could kill.
|
| 00:16:20 | But can you fart so hard
your balls explode?
|
| 00:16:23 | [fart, explosion]
You've got questions,
we've gotmanswers!
|
| 00:16:28 | [metal music playing]
♪ ♪
|
| 00:16:57 | announcer: FLIP A CAR,
[screams, mooing]
Get trampled by a bull,
or slam into a wall,
and you're gonna
get flattened.
|
| 00:17:05 | That's nothin' compared
to the bone-crushing power
of one of these!
|
| 00:17:09 | - [screams]
announcer: A 34,000 POUND
Steamroller!
|
| 00:17:17 | You can see what happens
..
|
| 00:17:24 | - I'd probably be
about that thick.
|
| 00:17:25 | - I think I probably
would be nothing but, um, blood.
|
| 00:17:28 | - Well, considering
I'm quite rotund,
uh, I would say that
I'm not gonna get too flat.
|
| 00:17:33 | announcer: PEOPLE REALLY
Get crushed by these monsters.
|
| 00:17:36 | According
to the associated press,
a construction worker
in florida
was ground into the asphalt
by a steamroller
when the operator
didn't see him.
|
| 00:17:44 | So what if it happened
to you?
|
| 00:17:46 | We set up
a little demonstration
to find out.
|
| 00:17:49 | To help us
is this bony-ass dude
and this hot chick!
|
| 00:17:54 | Whoa, honey!
|
| 00:17:55 | You're not dressed to work
with heavy equipment.
|
| 00:17:58 | There, that's better.
|
| 00:18:00 | [horn honks]
The dynapac 362 has
an 84-inch-wide death girth
that exerts 56,000 pounds
of pure,
screaming,
terror!
|
| 00:18:10 | To find out
what it could do to you,
we asked a physiologist.
|
| 00:18:14 | - Well, a human body
is essentially a bag of water,
[sexy music]
Filled with some bones
and a whole bunch
of protein,
and a steamroller
going over the top of that
is gonna probably
make it explode.
|
| 00:18:26 | - Go!
|
| 00:18:27 | announcer:
So what would happen first?
|
| 00:18:28 | - So a steamroller
hits the body,
the feet get pinned back.
|
| 00:18:31 | Everything
would start to snap,
[loud snaps]
Just like branches breaking.
|
| 00:18:35 | announcer: GOOD-BYE, FEET.
|
| 00:18:36 | - As the steamroller
gets to the knees,
the pressure is gonna
be so great in the thighs
that they'll
probably explode.
|
| 00:18:42 | [pow]
And then boom.
|
| 00:18:44 | announcer:
That's because your body
can only withstand
50 pound per square inch
of pressure.
|
| 00:18:49 | This ball-busting
killing machine
is 1,100 times that,
so your bones
are gonna snap.
|
| 00:18:55 | But what happens
to all your guts?
|
| 00:18:57 | Time to squash
the meat-filled dummy.
|
| 00:19:00 | - Your organs would be getting
pushed up into your body,
kind of like a balloon,
it would get pressed right out
and then, boom, pop.
|
| 00:19:06 | And that would happen
to each and every organ.
|
| 00:19:08 | Any orifice is gonna find
stuff comin' flyin' out--
the mouth, the ears,
eyes will probably
blow out of the head.
|
| 00:19:15 | [man screams]
- The brain is gonna
blow out the skull.
|
| 00:19:19 | announcer: OOH!
|
| 00:19:19 | That's gotta hurt!
|
| 00:19:21 | So your bones
are pulverized,
and your organs
are mashed into mush.
|
| 00:19:26 | But how flat
would you be
after this thing turns you
into a sheet of meat?
|
| 00:19:33 | - I couldn't really imagine
a worse way to die.
|
| 00:19:35 | It really would suck.
|
| 00:19:40 | announcer: 1/10 OF AN INCH!
|
| 00:19:42 | - [screams]
[horn honks]
announcer:
Chicks who dig chicks
can drive you wild,
but there's a problem.
|
| 00:19:53 | They only like
other chicks!
|
| 00:19:55 | So how can
you get a lesbian
to hitch a ride
on the baloney pony?
|
| 00:20:03 | According
to the urban institute,
5% of chicks
are exclusively lesbian.
|
| 00:20:08 | That means they're
in the no bone zone.
|
| 00:20:11 | [antique car horn ah-oogahs]
So why is it when you spot
a hot young taco taster,
you just gotta have it?
|
| 00:20:19 | We asked a sex therapist.
|
| 00:20:21 | - Straight guys find
having sex with lesbian women
a big turn-on because
it's a big conquest.
|
| 00:20:27 | There's something
very gratifying
about the idea
of making somebody
that isn't attracted
to men attracted to you.
|
| 00:20:33 | announcer: SO WHAT'S
The one secret
to bangin' a babe
like this?
|
| 00:20:38 | Since lesbians
love chicks,
should you
become a chick?
|
| 00:20:41 | [sultry music playing]
- Gender reassignment surgery
is when somebody
chooses to basically
go all the way,
so for men, that means
the construction of a vagina.
|
| 00:20:52 | announcer:
Vagina construction?
|
| 00:20:53 | That means losing
your favorite organ.
|
| 00:20:56 | [tree thuds]
No chick is worth that!
|
| 00:20:57 | - [screams]
announcer: MAYBE THE SUREFIRE
Way to score with a lesbian
is to rewire her brain.
|
| 00:21:05 | [sinister laughter,
electricity buzzing]
Biologists
at the university of utah
screwed with the brains
of female nematode worms,
so they wound up being
attracted to other chicks.
|
| 00:21:16 | But can you use
that technology
to straighten out
a lesbian?
|
| 00:21:20 | - I don't think
that we can really apply
what happened to worms
to human beings.
|
| 00:21:25 | announcer: DAMN, DUDE!
|
| 00:21:26 | But don't give up yet,
'cause there is one way
that's been
scientifically proven
to pump up
the sappho libido,
and it's your best chance
to snatch
some lesbian lovin'.
|
| 00:21:35 | We'll tell you
what it is
when we come back.
|
| 00:21:38 | ..
|
| 00:21:39 | - [farts]
announcer:
Don't go off half-cocked.
|
| 00:21:41 | Can you fart so hard
your balls explode?
|
| 00:21:44 | And you think
takin' a pee is free?
|
| 00:21:47 | It could cost you
$50 million.
|
| 00:21:50 | Then later,
is there a lethal weapon
that costs 5 cents?
|
| 00:21:54 | [man screams]
Plus, how can you be
six time more likely
to get oral sex?
|
| 00:21:58 | Don't blow your chance
to find out.
|
| 00:22:00 | [whistle blows,
gargling]
You better come back
for moremanswers!
|
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|
| 00:22:56 | And this is everythingpeople love about it.
|
| 00:22:59 | They're big fans of the 4g speed.
|
| 00:23:02 | And the powerful android platform.
|
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|
| 00:23:08 | ..
|
| 00:23:11 | ♪♪ ♪♪
|
| 00:23:12 | ...and used them to make something new.
|
| 00:23:13 | Trouble hearing on the phone?visit sprintrelay.com.
|
| 00:23:15 | Introducing the newhtc evo shift 4g.
|
| 00:23:17 | VVONLY FROM SPRINT,vvTHE NOW NETWORK.
|
| 00:25:11 | announcer: IT AIN'T
Gender reassignment surgery
or rewiring
a chick's brain.
|
| 00:25:20 | The way into a lesbian's
lap of luxury
is through her nose.
|
| 00:25:26 | - Human sexuality
is very much affected by scent.
|
| 00:25:30 | announcer:
But not just any scent.
|
| 00:25:31 | To get that delicious
lesbian lovin',
..
|
| 00:25:40 | - Lesbians are turned on
by the smell
of the urine
from pregnant women,
because it raises
certain estrogen levels
in the brain.
|
| 00:25:46 | announcer: ACCORDING TO
The university of washington
school of nursing,
a pregnant chick's urine
has 100 times the normal level
of estradiol,
the most powerful form
of the female sex hormone
estrogen.
|
| 00:25:58 | While it won't turn
a lesbian totally straight,
it will totally
turn her on!
|
| 00:26:08 | Give her a whiff
of pregnant pee,
and you just might bone
where no man has boned before.
|
| 00:26:12 | all: [moaning]
- [farts]
announcer: THE AVERAGE DUDE
Blows the butt bugle
23 times a day,
but can a butt bomb
pack so much bang
that your boys go boom?
|
| 00:26:32 | So what's
in your stink bombs anyway?
|
| 00:26:35 | We asked a dude
who slaves away
where the sun don't shine,
a colorectal surgeon.
|
| 00:26:39 | [glove snaps]
- Flatulence, or the passage
of flatus,
is made by five different
..
|
| 00:26:46 | [farts tooting]
- [coughing]
- Those can be toxic gases,
but in concentrations
in the body
usually are not toxic.
|
| 00:26:57 | announcer:
So just the smell
won't make
your hairy pair explode,
but what about the pressure
of a poop?
|
| 00:27:03 | - We pass
somewhere between
400 and 1,600 milliliters
of gas a day.
|
| 00:27:07 | announcer: AND CAN THAT GAS
Pass to your balls?
|
| 00:27:11 | - [farts]
[girls screams]
- The digestive tract
is not connected
to the reproductive tract.
|
| 00:27:17 | announcer: NO!
|
| 00:27:18 | So the gas you pass
in your ass
can't make
..
|
| 00:27:23 | Except in one case.
|
| 00:27:24 | The only way a fart
could annihilate your nut sack
is with a fart fire!
|
| 00:27:32 | Yeah! a fart fire!
|
| 00:27:34 | They really happen.
|
| 00:27:35 | - There was
a reported case in denmark
in which a person was having
an operation on their anus,
and they were prepped
with surgical spirits,
which are highly flammable.
|
| 00:27:44 | - [gasps]
announcer:
So the patient's privates
we sterilized
with practically pure alcohol.
|
| 00:27:51 | During the operation,
the doctor was holding
a high-temperature
cauterizing tool.
|
| 00:27:56 | When the patient squeezed out
..
|
| 00:28:00 | - [groans]
announcer: BOOM!
|
| 00:28:01 | Barbecued balls!
|
| 00:28:03 | - The fire shot out,
..
|
| 00:28:07 | - [screams]
- And created
a flaming mess.
|
| 00:28:10 | [fart, explosion]
announcer:
Yes, if you sneak a beefer
during colorectal surgery.
|
| 00:28:19 | [explosions]
Talk about
your great balls of fire!
|
| 00:28:23 | - [whimpering]
announcer: THE CHEETAH
Is the world's fastest animal,
running 75 miles an hour.
|
| 00:28:34 | The bald eagle
is the highest,
soaring at 10,000 feet.
|
| 00:28:37 | - [screeches]
announcer:
But only one animal
is the best
at spanking the monkey.
|
| 00:28:46 | - Orangutans definitely.
|
| 00:28:48 | They got opposable thumbs.
|
| 00:28:49 | [bell dings,
toy squeaks]
- I seen a dog
actually jack itself off.
|
| 00:28:52 | [laughs] THAT WAS
PRETTY [bleep]IN' FUNNY.
|
| 00:28:55 | - It'd be an octopus.
|
| 00:28:56 | Because
naturally lubricated,
and they got eight arms
so if one gets tired,
seven more to go.
|
| 00:29:00 | announcer: SO IS THE BEST ANIMAL
At choking its chicken
an actual chicken?
|
| 00:29:05 | [clucking]
We asked a wildlife expert.
|
| 00:29:08 | - The roosters
do not masturbate.
|
| 00:29:10 | They don't have
a penis as such.
|
| 00:29:12 | They have a cloaca
where sperm
basically leaks out,
and they put it up against
the cloaca of the hen.
|
| 00:29:17 | They have testicles,
but no penis.
|
| 00:29:19 | ..
|
| 00:29:20 | Other end.
|
| 00:29:21 | announcer: ROOSTERS
Don't have a chicken to choke,
so they can't be
the best.
|
| 00:29:26 | - [groans]
- [buzzer]
announcer:
What about dolphins?
|
| 00:29:28 | marine mammal
commission reports
that horny dolphins
have tried to mate
with human swimmers.
|
| 00:29:34 | [needle scratches on record]
Why?
|
| 00:29:35 | - A dolphin knows he can't
touch himself with his fins.
|
| 00:29:38 | They use the bottom
of the sandy shore,
coral, rocky outcrops,
whatever it takes.
|
| 00:29:44 | announcer: HUMPIN'S
Not jerkin',
so it's not a dolphin, either.
|
| 00:29:47 | [buzzer]
|
