Gilmore Girls - There's the Rub

ABCFP

Aired on Wednesday, Apr 14, 2010 (4/14/2010) at 04:00 PM

Video and Thumbnails

Transcript

00:00:05Madeline. what?
00:00:06What are you guys doing tonight?
00:00:09It's friday night.
00:00:10So you've got dates?
00:00:11Well, yeah, why?
00:00:11I was hoping you could study with me.
00:00:14On a friday night? yes.
00:00:16We've got dates.
00:00:17What is she saying?
00:00:18She wants us to study with her.
00:00:19On a friday night? but we've got dates.
00:00:21I was hoping maybe you'd cancel them.
00:00:24To study? on a friday night?
00:00:26She wants us to cancel our dates to study.
00:00:29 but we have -- oh, my god! forget it!
00:00:36So, I suppose that you have big friday-night plans also?
00:00:40Well, kind of.
00:00:40So, the fact that I'm seeing my entire harvard career slip away is of no interest to anyone?
00:00:46What are you talking about?
00:00:47I got an a-minus, okay?
00:00:49So?
00:00:49" I have never gotten an a-minus.
00:00:53I just can't focus lately.
00:00:54Things are so weird at my house.
00:00:55My dad finally figured out how much it was gonna cost to divorce my mom, so now he's back.
00:01:00And it's bad enough I wasted all that time crunching e numbers with him, but now that he's back, they're fighting and redecorating.
00:01:08I need help.
00:01:09Look, I can't tonight, but if you're still freaked out after the quiz on tuesday, I will spend every day next week helping you prepare for the final, okay?
00:01:18I guess.
00:01:19Relax. it will be fine. I promise.
00:01:21All I had to do was move a decimal point, and none of this would have happened.
00:01:25Oh, look at this place. it's lovely.
00:01:29[ Sniffs ] and that smell -- what is that, eucalyptus?
00:01:33I don't know.
00:01:33Oh, lorelai, look.
00:01:34They have cucumber slices in the water.
00:01:37Oh, wow.
00:01:38Now if they have ranch dressing in the soap dispensers, this place is great.
00:01:43You know what? I love it here.
00:01:45Careful, mom.
00:01:46That's how they get you in the moonies.
00:01:48I feel more relaxed already.
00:01:50 that's the most delicious water I've ever had.
00:01:53Have a sip.
00:01:54Let's just check in, shall we?
00:01:57Hello. I'm emily gilmore.
00:01:58This is my daughter lorelai.
00:02:00Yes, welcome to birchgrove.
00:02:02My name is bobby.
00:02:03I have everything all set for you.
00:02:06Do you have luggage?
00:02:07Yes.
00:02:07Okay, well, we can take care of that for you.
00:02:10Here are your room keys and a copy of all of your spa activities.
00:02:13You ladies are booked solid, I see.
00:02:15We intend to leave here completely different people.
00:02:18Yes, I'm going to be ted nugent.
00:02:20Anyhow, your rooms are right down this hall.
00:02:22Fruit and yogurt is served by the pool in the mornings, and your lunch and dinner seatings are on that itinerary.
00:02:27Any questions?
00:02:28Yes, where can one get a cup of coffee around here?
00:02:30Ah, we don't serve anything with caffeine here.
00:02:34And you think that's safe?
00:02:35Thank you, bobby.
00:02:36We're sure we're going to have a wonderful time.
00:02:38Mom, there's no coffee.
00:02:39It won't kill you to go two days without coffee.
00:02:42No, I think it will.
00:02:43Just focus on all the pampering we're going to have.
00:02:46Look at all the wonderful things we have to look forward to.
00:02:49Oh, no. what?
00:02:50Oh, I'll be right back -- they screwed up our appointments.
00:02:54Again?
00:02:54What do you mean, "again"?
00:02:55Well, I called to confirm our schedule and found out they had booked us separately for every single one of our treatments.
00:03:02Luckily, I insisted on speaking to a manager and was able to straighten everything out.
00:03:06Yes, those are right. they are?
00:03:07I even had them move the pedicure tubs together in the same room so we can talk during it.
00:03:12Okay, I'm really gonna need a cup of coffee.
00:03:15Have some cucumber water.
00:03:16No, see, that's not gonna do it -- well, your lung capacity certainly has improved.
00:03:28Well, I've been playing a lot more basketball lately.
00:03:32Yet another reason to continue the fight to keep physical education in schools.
00:03:36.. yes?
00:03:38.. yes?
00:03:40..
00:03:43Maybe I'd come over.
00:03:45Oh. what?
00:03:45Actually, I was thinking of pulling a hermit thing tonight.
00:03:49Why?
00:03:50 salinger seems to dig it.
00:03:52You don't want me to come over?
00:03:54No, I just -- I almost never get the house all to myself, and I thought with my mom gone, I can finally do my laundry exactly the way I like it -- not just separating into whites and colors, but the colors separated into darks, mediums, and lights, with a separate pile for white t-shirts and t-shirts with some kind of writing on them.
00:04:11You want to be alone to do laundry?
00:04:13And watch tv, and eat the indian food that I love, but my mom hates the smell of, ..are you mad?
00:04:20Why would I be mad?
00:04:21You want to spend tonight alone.
00:04:22But, hey, tomorrow, the whole day is all about you.
00:04:26I mean it -- from morning till night.
00:04:29You plan it, or I'll plan it, whatever you want.
00:04:32Just don't be mad.
00:04:34I'm not.
00:04:37[ Sighs ] I'm not mad.
00:04:39Good.
00:04:40I'm confused, but I'm not mad.
00:04:42I'm a saint, but I'm not mad.
00:04:45Thank you.
00:04:46You're welcome.
00:04:47..
00:04:58[ Knock on door ] [ knocking ] how do I look?
00:05:13Like a landlady. what is this?
00:05:15I got adjoining rooms so we don't have to go out in the hallway to get to each other.
00:05:19 how do they get it so soft?
00:05:22I think having about 40 other people wear it first is part of the secret.
00:05:27Oh, stop it.
00:05:27Are you all ready for our skin-rejuvenating and revitalizing collagen facial and eye treatment?
00:05:32It has vitamin c and plant extracts in it, which is the hottest thing in skin care these days.
00:05:37And the eye treatment is supposed to reduce puffiness and minimize the appearance of fine lines.
00:05:43Okay, no more brochures for you.
00:05:45I'm ready. let's go.
00:05:46Aren't you going to wear your robe?
00:05:48You're supposed to wear your robe.
00:05:50I'm sure they'll give me one when I get there.
00:05:52But these robes are wonderful.
00:05:54We're late, mom.
00:05:55They're wonderful, relaxing robes.
00:05:57[ Sighs heavily ] oh, my gosh.
00:05:59And yet you stand there like it's some badge of honor not to put on your robe like everyone else in this place.
00:06:04This isn't for me, you know. it's for you.
00:06:06I already have on my robe. I am already relaxed.
00:06:10What are you doing?
00:06:11You're kidding me, right?
00:06:13Well, hurry up. we're going to be late.
00:06:17Happy?
00:06:18Apparently, you didn't see the matching slippers.
00:06:25So, how are we doing?
00:06:27So good.
00:06:28I'm gonna leave you to sit for a few minutes, so just relax and enjoy, and I'll be right back.
00:06:35Thanks.
00:06:35[Woman singing new-age melody] are your feet sweating?
00:06:57Mom?
00:06:58Those booties make my feet sweat.
00:07:00What are you doing in my room?
00:07:02Magda left me sitting for 20 minutes.
00:07:05Fine time to take a coffee break.
00:07:07She's not taking a coffee break.
00:07:10Your skin is supposed to be ..in your room.
00:07:15Let's see what's next on our agenda, shall we?
00:07:19Stop moving, lorelai.
00:07:20You'll electrocute yourself.
00:07:22Ooh! the egyptian mud bath.
00:07:24I wonder if a mud bath is one of those things you see in brochures where they wrap you in towels like you're in a cocoon of some sort.
00:07:33That might be nice -- especially if their towels are as good as their robes.
00:07:37Because I just love these robes.
00:07:39Wonder where they get these robes.
00:07:42Shouldn't be so hard to find the manufacturer.
00:07:45I could order a few of them.
00:07:47 it really was mud.
00:07:50I didn't really think they meant a real mud bath.
00:07:52And the odd thing is, I should have been more repulsed by it.
00:07:56Sitting in a tub of hot dirt should have made me ill, and yet, I really enjoyed it.
00:08:01Did yours have twigs? mine had twigs.
00:08:03And when I asked the woman about them, she told me they were there ..
00:08:14What are you doing?
00:08:15Lorelai, stop it. you're pushing me!
00:08:19[ Sighs ] .. too much?
00:08:29Yep.
00:08:31Sorry. I'll go lighter.
00:08:34Your hands are amazing.
00:08:35Compliment your masseur's hands, lorelai.
00:08:39[ Muttering ] excuse me? nothing.
00:08:41You were muttering under your breath.
00:08:43Years of experience have taught me that when you do that, it's usually about me.
00:08:48[ Sighs ] mom, you signed us up for a couples massage.
00:08:51A couples massage is for a couple, not a couple ofpeople.
00:08:56It's more efficient this way.
00:08:57We'll both be finished at the same time.
00:08:59Do you know what most people who get these massages do about 5 minutes after it's over?
00:09:04They have sex, together, probably while wearing their robes.
00:09:07Could the two of you excuse us for a moment, please?
00:09:14Well, that was appalling.
00:09:15That was true.
00:09:16You're just determined to spoil this, aren't you, lorelai?
00:09:19Why, because I want a quiet, private massage?
00:09:21..
00:09:24Rolling your eyes, mumbling.
00:09:26That's how I detox.
00:09:26You've made it your mission to be as miserable as possible.
00:09:31That's not true.
00:09:31And if you don't care that you're hurting my feelings, maybe you care that you're wasting all your relaxing time acting like a petulant 4-year-old.
00:09:41I'm sorry.
00:09:42Do you want me to try to get myself another room?
00:09:46No.
00:09:47I saw a supply closet down the hall.
00:09:48Maybe my masseur could finish me in there.
00:09:51Or perhaps I could roll myself against a stucco wall -- eliminate the need for a masseur altogether.
00:09:56Lie down, mom, please?
00:09:59If you say so.
00:10:04Lorelai?
00:10:05Yes, mom.
00:10:06Would you go get the boys, please?
00:12:05Hurry!
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00:13:34, Th's two orders of garlic naan, three samosas, and a chicken vindaloo.
00:13:38And rice. and the green sauce. and no salad.
00:13:41Oh, wait. can you hold on a sec?
00:13:43[ Beeps ] hello?
00:13:45[ Deep voice ] THIS IS PHIL'S LIQUOR.
00:13:46I'm supposed to be delivering a keg there tonight.
00:13:49Hold on.
00:13:50Hi. sorry. yeah, that's it.
00:13:5340 Minutes. great. bye.
00:13:55[ Beeps ] hey.
00:13:57Who was that?
00:13:58Sandeep's.
00:13:59Oh, you're ordering the indian food.
00:14:01Can you burn the house down afterward?
00:14:03'Cause that's the only way we'll get the smell out.
00:14:06Absolutely. how's the spa?
00:14:07Tranquil. really?
00:14:08I wasn't done.
00:14:09Tranquilizers will be required if I have to spend one more minute with my mother.
00:14:12Please tell me your trying to get along with her.
00:14:14 well, I smell like a peach.
00:14:18[ Doorbell rings ] Was that the doorbell?
00:14:20Yeah, I'll call you later.
00:14:21Wait -- I want to find out who it is.
00:14:23The sooner you get back to your weekend, the sooner it'll be over.
00:14:26Before you go, can you get out my address book and count how many friends I have?
00:14:30Bye. mean.
00:14:31Steal me soap.
00:14:33..
00:14:33I tried to stay at home and study myself, but I can't.
00:14:37I can't even read my own handwriting.
00:14:39!
00:14:41The person who wrote this should be dressed in a clown suit, stuffing bodies under their porch.
00:14:45You're in your pajamas. I know.
00:14:46This is the big night you had planned?
00:14:49A rendezvous with mr. peanut?
00:14:50You're doing laundry.
00:14:51You're doing laundry in your pajamas!
00:14:54My mom is out of town, and I never get the house all to myself.
00:14:57You mean you never get to go months on end without seeing your parents -- getting an occasional postcard?
00:15:03That does suck.
00:15:04Paris, wait.
00:15:04I don't want to get in the way of your big night.
00:15:07Fine, I'll study with you -- for one hour.
00:15:10That's it.
00:15:11We can do a quick review and a pop quiz, and then you are going home.
00:15:15Deal? deal.
00:15:16 I'll be out in a minute.
00:15:19Where are you going?
00:15:20I'm going to go change.
00:15:21Okay, but my hour doesn't start till you get back out here, right?
00:15:29[ Knock on door ] you ready?
00:15:31Wow, you look great, mom.
00:15:32Are you being sarcastic?
00:15:33No, I'm being completely serious.
00:15:36Oh, well, thank you.
00:15:37That's a pretty color. what is that?
00:15:39" oh, stop it.
00:15:42Now, why would you name a lipstick something like that?
00:15:46'Cause "dirty whore" was taken?
00:15:48You frighten me.
00:15:49You wanna try some?
00:15:50No, thank you.
00:15:51Go on, mom, try it.
00:15:52It won't look good on me.
00:15:53Sure it will.
00:15:54..
00:15:56I'll be the first one to point it out.
00:15:59[ Chanting ] YOU'RE A VICIOUS TROLLOP.
00:16:01Lorelai. sorry.
00:16:03Well?
00:16:04I like it.
00:16:04You do? I like it, too.
00:16:06Good, let's go then. I'm starving.
00:16:09Oh, me too.
00:16:09What are they serving for dinner tonight?
00:16:13Well, let's see.
00:16:16Hmm.
00:16:17They certainly do like their tofu here,on't they?
00:16:21" well, they have dessert at least -- cookies sweetened with sprouted mung bean.
00:16:27That sounds dreadful.
00:16:29Yes, it does.
00:16:29Where are you going?
00:16:30You aren't going to change, are you?
00:16:33Our seating's in 10 minutes.
00:16:35Get your coat.
00:16:35N't need a coat to go to the dining room.
00:16:37We're not going to the dining room.
00:16:39Where are we going? out.
00:16:40We're going to leave the spa, find a restaurant, and have a steak.
00:16:44A steak? who's gonna stop us?
00:16:46A steak.
00:16:47Come on, mom, what's it gonna be -- vicious trollop or the wide world of mung beans?
00:16:52Let's go.
00:16:53I'm righhind y.
00:16:56Given that those are the reactions occurring in the two half-cells, what do you do next?
00:17:00If we add them together, doubling the coefficients, we get the equation for the complete reaction.
00:17:07You're in much better shape than you want to think you are.
00:17:11[ Doorbell rings ] where are you going?
00:17:14That's my food.
00:17:15Another half-hour. please.
00:17:16No. you got your hour, and you need to go.
00:17:20Fine!
00:17:21Delivery.
00:17:21What are you doing here?
00:17:22Luke figured since you're alone tonight, you wouldn't have any food in the house, so he sent over a care package.
00:17:26I ordered food from sandeep's.
00:17:28Planning on burning down the house afterwards?
00:17:31Only way to kill the smell.
00:17:33Where should I put this? kitchen?
00:17:36..sure.
00:17:39[ Sighs ] how much food is in there?
00:17:42This could feed 12.
00:17:43Excuse me, I've seen you eat.
00:17:46Fine, six.
00:17:47Well, he wanted you taken care of.
00:17:49Wasn't sure how long your mom was gonna be gone for.
00:17:53Just tonight.
00:17:53Oh, he didn't know that.
00:17:54So, how come caesar didn't bring this over?
00:17:58I volunteered. why?
00:17:59Just wanted to get out of the construction zone.
00:18:02There's nothing but banging and yelling.
00:18:04Place gives me a headache.
00:18:05Why, did you think I wanted to come over here and see you?
00:18:09No.
00:18:10I just needed some quiet.
00:18:10Fine. that is all.
00:18:12Got it. clear my head.
00:18:13So, aren't you gonna eat?
00:18:16Eventually.
00:18:17It gets cold fast.
00:18:18I can heat it up.
00:18:19Reheated french fries really suck.
00:18:22Ohthey do suck.
00:18:24So, eat.
00:18:25Okay, I will.
00:18:26You're still standing there.
00:18:27I know. you didn't give me a tip.
00:18:30You want money?
00:18:31No. I'll take a fry, though.
00:18:33Okay. have as much as you want.
00:18:36Okay, great.
00:18:37What are you doing?
00:18:38Getting ready to eat.
00:18:40You're staying?
00:18:41Didn't you just invite me?
00:18:43No, I -- you told me to have all I wanted.
00:18:46That sounded invitation-like.
00:18:47You want to stay here and eat?
00:18:50Beats being at luke's.
00:18:51I can't find my flashcards.
00:18:52I didn't know you had company.
00:18:54This is paris. we were just studying.
00:18:57I was just leaving.
00:18:57If you find my flashcards, call me, okay?
00:18:59No, stay for dinner.
00:19:02But I thought -- we have a ton of food and we can go over the notes more later.
00:19:06You sure?
00:19:07Positive.
00:19:08Is that mac and cheese?
00:19:09I love mac and cheese.
00:19:10I'm not allowed to have mac and cheese.
00:19:13Splurge. come on, paris, stay.
00:19:15Do you have a 24-hour pharmacy just in case I have an allergic reaction to something?
00:19:19Believe it or not, we do.
00:19:20Okay. can I borrow your phone?
00:19:21It's by the door.
00:19:22Interesting. what is?
00:19:24You think we need a chaperone?
00:19:27No, I don't.
00:19:28You just invited one.
00:19:29Paris is alone tonight, and you yourself said we have enough food for six.
00:19:32With me around, it's down to four.
00:19:34With paris around, it's down to two.
00:19:35Works out well. I think so.
00:19:39Hola, es paris.
00:19:40..
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00:23:22my goodness, look at this place.
00:23:23I bet there's no cucumber slices in the water here.
00:23:26Hi, there. party of two.
00:23:27 I can take your name, but I probably won't have a table for about an hour.
00:23:31An hour?
00:23:32I can't wait an hour. I'll pass out.
00:23:34Go first. you can break my fall.
00:23:37Can we bribe you?
00:23:38Sorry.
00:23:39Please? she's loaded. lorelai!
00:23:40A couple of stools just opened up at the bar, and we do serve our entire menu there.
00:23:44That is a great idea. thanks. come on.
00:23:46We cannot eat dinner at a bar.
00:23:47I don't want to wait an hour, and I'm wearing the wrong shoes for a drive-thru.
00:23:50What are people going to think?
00:23:51That we're loose women with questionable morals.
00:23:54Doesn't seem right to eat dinner wh your feet aren't touching the floor.
00:23:57What can I get you, ladies?
00:23:58Hi, steve. nice to meet you.
00:24:00..martinis?
00:24:02Why not.
00:24:03Two vodka martinis straight up with a twist, and a couple of menus, please.
00:24:08And some peanuts.
00:24:10Good idea.
00:24:10Here you go. I'll get your drinks.
00:24:13You're a good man, steve okay, I'm thinking steak and caesar salad, if it's not too anchovy-y.
00:24:17And do you want to split a shrimp cocktail to start?
00:24:20That sounds fine.
00:24:21I just love the idea of shrimp cocktail with a steak dinner, you know?
00:24:25It's so casino, big joe, steak and shrimp.
00:24:27Hey, save some for winter.
00:24:28I never realized how wonderful peanuts were before.
00:24:32Want a refill?
00:24:33Oh, yes, please.
00:24:34Cheers, mom.
00:24:36Cheers.
00:24:40Mmm. I must tell you, I never expected this.
00:24:44What?
00:24:44Me inhaling peanuts at a singles bar.
00:24:46 it's a 60/40 bar.
00:24:50A what?
00:24:5060-Year-old men hitting on 40-year-old women.
00:24:54Really?
00:24:55Look around.
00:24:56Hmm.
00:24:57Oh, now, she can do better than that.
00:25:01What does she see in him?
00:25:02Big will, short life span -- the usual draw.
00:25:06Hey, mom -- I wonder if they have pretzels, too.
00:25:08Don't look now, but I think you're passing for a 40-year-old woman.
00:25:122:00, Silver fox, totally checking you out.
00:25:17Oh, he is not.
00:25:18Well, he's not staring at steve.
00:25:20You're being ridiculous.
00:25:22[ Sighs ] he's definitely not looking at me.
00:25:30He's still looking.
00:25:31Drink your martini, lorelai.
00:25:35I can't believe you just said that.
00:25:37The beats' writing was completely self-indulgent.
00:25:40One word for jack kerouac -- edit.
00:25:42It was not self-indulgent.
00:25:43The beats believed in shocking people, stirring things up.
00:25:47They believed in drugs, booze, and petty crime.
00:25:49You could say they expose you to a world you wouldn't have otherwise known.
00:25:52Isn't that what great writing's all about?
00:25:54That was not great writing.
00:25:55THAT WAS THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER OF THE '50s.
00:25:57Typical guy response.
00:25:58Worship kerouac and bukowski.
00:25:59God forbid you pick up anything by jane austin.
00:26:02Hey, I've read jane austin, and I think she would have liked bukowski.
00:26:06What are you doing?
00:26:07Salt and peppered it. only way to eat a fry.
00:26:09Really?
00:26:10It's fast-food gospel.
00:26:13Mmm, that's good.
00:26:15[ Telephone ringing ] do you like hot sauce?
00:26:18I don't know. should i?
00:26:20I think it's wise.
00:26:21Hello?
00:26:22Hey.
00:26:23Oh, hi. where are you?
00:26:24On my way to see you -- if that's okay.
00:26:27Oh, well -- I just want to say " " well, I want to say "hi" a little closer.
00:26:33But I'm a mess.
00:26:34 you won't recognize me.
00:26:35Well, then put a name tag on, 'cause I miss you.
00:26:39I miss you, too, but -- But what?
00:26:41..paris is here.
00:26:43Why?
00:26:43She freaked out about a grade and she wanted to go over some notes.
00:26:46And you know paris -- she will not be denied.
00:26:47Okay, then I'm not really ruining your alone night.
00:26:51Yes, but -- I'll see you in a sec.
00:26:53Can't get into poetry.
00:26:54It's kind of like, "jeez, just say it already.
00:26:57" I just noticed the time, and it's getting really late.
00:27:01It's 7:00.
00:27:01I know, but paris and I still have a lot more studying to do.
00:27:05Jess, please thank luke for me.
00:27:07Who was that on the phone?
00:27:09No one.
00:27:09No one wouldn't happen to be heading over here, would he?
00:27:12What's going on?
00:27:12Dean's on his way, and rory doesn't want him to find me.
00:27:15Why? yeah, why?
00:27:16You know why.
00:27:17I'm just eating dinner.
00:27:18Jess, I'm asking you as a friend -- please leave now.
00:27:22You really want me to go?
00:27:24I really want to avoid a fight with dean.
00:27:27Okay, I'm going.
00:27:28Thank you.
00:27:31Ow!
00:27:32What?
00:27:32I just twisted my ankle.
00:27:34I better go lay down.
00:27:36Jess!
00:27:36You're no fun when you're tense.
00:27:38Are you sure you want me to go?
00:27:39'Cause maybe this whole thing can be solved between me and dean if we just sat down, had a little heart-to-heart.
00:27:44 I'll tell him mine.
00:27:46I promise I'll speak slowly.
00:27:48Bye!
00:27:48Well, give him my best, would you?
00:27:51Actually, I guess I could do that myself.
00:27:55Dean, jess just came by to bring me some food.
00:27:57He wanted to make sure I ate.
00:27:59Luke did.
00:28:00Personally, I could care less if she eats.
00:28:02Yeah, true. he could care less.
00:28:04I see you brought a little something, too.
00:28:06Is that ice cream? that's so nice!
00:28:08A tiny little ice cream package just big enough for two.
00:28:11Are you guys gonna feed each other?
00:28:13'Cause that's just so darn cute.
00:28:16 you're doing that towering-over-me thing.
00:28:20You've really got that down.
00:28:21It helps that you're 12 feet tall.
00:28:23But this frankenstein scowl really adds to the whole -- jess!
00:28:29Okay, I'm going.
00:28:30Look, man, I really was just dropping off some food, so don't get all "west side story" on me, okay?
00:28:37..
00:28:40Come in?
00:28:41What the hell is going on?
00:28:43Hi.
00:28:44Dean, you remember paris, right?
00:28:47Yeah, hi.
00:28:47So, jess just dropped this off, huh?
00:28:50Now, I know you eat fast, but this is a lot of food to put away that quickly, even on your best day.
00:28:55Okay, so he didn't justdrop it off.
00:28:57You told me you were doing laundry tonight, and now you're here with jess.
00:29:01And paris. jess, rory!
00:29:03I swear, I didn't -- you didn't what -- you didn't know he was coming over?
00:29:06And you also didn't know he was gonna stay, right?
00:29:09It just happened.
00:29:10How does that just happen?
00:29:11He was -- and the diner was -- ..
00:29:14! say something!
00:29:16Stop yelling!
00:29:17You totally lied to me.
00:29:18Turn the situation around, rory.
00:29:21How's it looking?
00:29:22It's looking complicated, it's my fault.
00:29:28What?
00:29:28It's my fault that jess was here.
00:29:30I saw him in the diner the day I came to stars hollow, and I thought he was cute, and since I'm not great at the whole "batting the eyelashes, look at my belly shirt" kind of thing, I asked rory to help me.
00:29:41I thought if she could get him over here, we'd have a chance to talk, and I don't know -- it seems totally stupid now, and it obviously didn't work, but that's why he was here.
00:29:52Thanks for trying to cover for me.
00:29:54That's okay.
00:29:55Anyway, I should get going.
00:29:56I'm probably going to break out in some sort of rash any second now.
00:30:05So paris likes jess.
00:30:09Yeah.
00:30:10Rory, is this true?
00:30:13Yes, it is.
00:30:15Paris and jess?
00:30:16I know. there's no explaining attraction.
00:30:20Dean, listen to me.
00:30:21If I was going to have anyone over tonight, it definitely would have been you.
00:30:26Okay.
00:30:28Really?
00:30:28If you say so, then I have to believe it, don't i?
00:30:32Yes.
00:30:33Okay, then. sorry that I yelled.
00:30:36Completely justified under the circumstances.
00:30:40I gotta get going.
00:30:42No, wait.
00:30:42Don't you want to stay for ice cream?
00:30:45No, I'm just gonna go.
00:30:46I'm still seeing you tomorrow, right?
00:30:49Yeah, sure.
00:30:52..
00:30:59See you tomorrow.
00:31:12What was that?
00:31:13What?
00:31:13That -- the story. the save.
00:31:15Why did you do that?
00:31:19You have no idea what you did.
00:31:21It was no big deal.
00:31:22 it was a huge deal.
00:31:24Well, you helped me tonight when you didn't want to, so I owed you.
00:31:29Thank you. you're welcome.
00:31:31Okay, well, I'll let you get back to your alone night.
00:31:35You should stay.
00:31:36Stay?
00:31:37 we could hang out, maybe watch some tv.
00:31:39You can even spend the night if you don't want to drive all the way back to hartford.
00:31:43Spend the night? like a slumber party?
00:31:46Sort of.
00:31:46You're just doing this 'cause I lied to dean for you, right?
00:31:48I'm doing this because it's what you do with friends.
00:31:51We're friends?
00:31:52I'm not sure there's an exact definition for what we are, but I do think it falls somewhere in the bizarro friends-ish realm.
00:32:00Come on, stay.
00:32:01Okay.
00:32:02But if you're doing all this so you can freeze my bra, I'll kill you.
00:32:07Duly noted.
00:32:51blue?
00:32:53Hmmm, I'm losing energy this morning.
00:32:56Did you have a good breakfast?
00:32:57Nooo.
00:32:58Here, try this, it's under three hundred calories and pretty satisfying.
00:33:04Mmmm! Tasty!
00:33:11Looks like everything is back to normal.
00:33:14Fight the morning fade in under three hundred calories.
00:33:18Jimmy Dean D-Lights. Shine on.
00:33:41One value meal coming right up.
00:33:42.. what?
00:33:44.. wha...?
00:33:45Goodbye, lettuce.
00:33:46I wanted all that.
00:33:47Well, sure you do, but you ordered the value meal.
00:33:51At a certain point, a value meal stops being a value.
00:33:54Get real value and then some at wendy's.
00:33:5799 get the works piled on our double junior cheeseburger deluxe, and even applewood smoked bacon on our all-white meat crispy chicken deluxe.
00:34:04Each with fries and a drink. now just $2.99.
00:34:06♪♪ You know when it's real ♪♪
00:34:11story: A localoman is totallpsyched for flip-flop weather twitter confirms.
00:34:16[ ale Announce] INTRODTHE MCKFLIP From at&t, breaking e newsthat's important to you.
00:34:23♪♪
00:34:24a late breaking e-mail and wall post: An area man s decid nottend the all trip.
00:34:31[ Male AnnoINTRUCINGTHEOROLA BA Facebook, twitter,text, and more streaming on a single screen.
00:34:38On at&t.
00:35:55K I've ever eaten, or I'm so hungry I'm delirious.
00:35:58Pass the horseradish, please.
00:35:59I never knew you were a spicy girl.
00:36:01Oh, believe me, I can handle my heat.
00:36:03One summer when we were first married, your father and I stayed in this little village in thailand where we spent two weeks eating viciously hot chilies and skinny-dipping.
00:36:12You certainly couldn't put your clothes on after eating those things.
00:36:16Stop it!
00:36:16I like to think of parents the old-fashioned way -- in separate bedrooms.
00:36:19And now it's time for my favorite part of the evening -- our salute to the chairman of the board.
00:36:26I sure hope that's not b-o-r-e-d.
00:36:27[ Mid-tempo jazz music plays ] ♪♪ come on and fly with me ♪♪
00:36:33.. ♪♪
00:36:36mom?
00:36:38Yes?
00:36:38Remember the man who wasn't staring at you?
00:36:41He wasn't staring at me.
00:36:43Well, he's coming over.
00:36:46I couldn't help but notice that you two are having more fun than anyone at the bar.
00:36:50Well, that's true. we are.
00:36:52Well, good. I've come to the right place.
00:36:55Hi, I'm chad.
00:36:56Hi, chad. I'm lorelai.
00:36:57This is my mother, emily.
00:36:59!
00:37:00Chad, if the next words out of your mouth are, "you can't possibly be old enough to be her mother," I'm gonna have to cause you severe physical pain.
00:37:06Emily, do you share this rather extreme opinion?
00:37:09I think I'll stay out of it.
00:37:11In that case, let me just say that I think you look more like sisters than mother and daughter.
00:37:17I went for a variation.
00:37:19I'll let it slide this time.
00:37:20You two local or just visiting?
00:37:22 mom's from hartford, and I'm from -- hartford? great town.
00:37:27Little of the old, little of the new.
00:37:30You like living there?
00:37:32Yes, I do.
00:37:32And where do you live?
00:37:34Here.
00:37:35And by here, I mean this very bar stool.
00:37:37Admitting right off the bat that you spend your life in a bar -- do you find that people are impressed by that?
00:37:45Until now.
00:37:46Oh, I love this song.
00:37:47It's a great song for dancing.
00:37:49Yes, it is.
00:37:50Help me out here, would you?
00:37:52I think he's asking you to dance.
00:37:54What?
00:37:54Oh, no, i-i couldn't.
00:37:55Rumor has it you love this song.
00:37:58Oh, well, yes, but I don't dance.
00:38:01I can't believe that.
00:38:02And I shouldn't leave my daughter alone.
00:38:06That's okay.
00:38:07Really. I'm serious.
00:38:08You should ask someone else.
00:38:09Is it my dancing?
00:38:10Because you two can work out some kind of "save me" signal in case I really embarrass you.
00:38:14Go ahead, mom. it'll be fun.
00:38:16Come on, the song's almost over.
00:38:18You'll hardly have to spend any time at all with me.
00:38:21Oh, all right.
00:38:24..Please be true ♪♪
00:38:27♪♪ in other words, oh, I love you ♪♪
00:38:31[ woman scatting ] ♪♪ in other words, please be true ♪♪
00:38:40♪♪ in other words ♪♪
00:38:43.. ♪♪
00:38:45hey, your mom looks good out there.
00:38:49Yeah, she sure does.
00:38:52[ Music ends ] [ laughs ] [ slow music plays ] ♪♪ there's a somebody I'm longing to see ♪♪
00:39:15♪♪ I hope that he turns out to be ♪♪
00:39:22♪♪ someone to watch over me ♪♪
00:39:30I'm sorry, I have to go.
00:39:33Mom?
00:39:35.. ♪♪
00:39:37Mom, what's wrong?
00:39:38We're leaving.
00:39:39What happened?
00:39:40I shouldn't have been doing this.
00:39:42Doing what?
00:39:43Fraternizing with other men.
00:39:44What are you talking about?
00:39:45I practically cheated on your father.
00:39:48You did not cheat on dad.
00:39:49I danced with another man.
00:39:51You've danced with other men before.
00:39:53Not without your father present.
00:39:55It was just a dance. you were having fun.
00:39:57I need to get out of here.
00:39:58Mom, you didn't do anything wrong.
00:40:00I don't know why I let you take me to this chop house in the first place.
00:40:04What were you thinking?
00:40:05Need food now?
00:40:06And I certainly don't eat at bars.
00:40:08Hookers eat at bars.
00:40:09Only if they can't get a table.
00:40:10You're not funny.
00:40:11You knew this whole evening made me uncomfortable, and yet you kept pushing.
00:40:15I was trying to do everything right.
00:40:16You manipulated me into taking this trip.
00:40:18You told me I was acting like a teenager, so I tried to be nicer.
00:40:22You said you needed to eat, so I made that happen.
00:40:24By sitting me at a bar where you practically forced me to engage in inappropriate behavior.
00:40:28YOU LET ME GET 60/40'd.
00:40:30You are crazy! do you know that?
00:40:33We were having dinner, mom.
00:40:35We were talking. hell, we were having fun.
00:40:38So, watching your mother make an ass of herself is fun for you.
00:40:41You don't have any right to complain about this relationship if you're not willing to let your guard down once in awhile and just be normal.
00:40:47There's a way for a mother to behave in front of her daughter.
00:40:49I'm sorry if you don't like it, but that's how it is.
00:41:08[ Knock on door ] come in.
00:41:10I called the bellman to get the bags.
00:41:12He said it would be around 10 minutes.
00:41:15Thank you for agreeing to leave early.
00:41:18No problem.
00:41:19I guess this whole thing was a silly idea anyway.
00:41:21I don't know why I pushed it.
00:41:22We can't even get through a dinner without a fight.
00:41:24What was I thinking, putting us together for a weekend?
00:41:27It was a nice thought, mom.
00:41:28Well, I guess it's the thought that counts, isn't it?
00:41:30You know, if you want, I can just bring our bags down.
00:41:33They're not that heavy.
00:41:34And then we don't have to wait.
00:41:36Well, that sounds fine.
00:41:40Why can't we have what you and rory have?
00:41:43Rory and I are different, mom.
00:41:44We're mother and daughter, you're mother and daughter.
00:41:47It shouldn't be that different.
00:41:50It couldn't be more different.
00:41:52But why?
00:41:52I grew up in a different environment.
00:41:55You mean an oppressive environment.
00:41:57No, mom, I mean a different environment.
00:41:59And plus, I was so young when I had rory.
00:42:01So because I waited until I was grown and married, I can't have a relationship with my daughter.
00:42:08No.
00:42:09Well, then, why?
00:42:10[ Sighs ] rory and I are best friends, mom.
00:42:15We are best friends first and mother and daughter second.
00:42:20And you and I are mother and daughter always.
00:42:24I wasn't taught to be best friends with my daughter.
00:42:28I know.
00:42:28I was taught to be a role model for my daughter.
00:42:31I did what I thought was right.
00:42:33I did what I thought I had to do to protect you, and because of this, we have no relationship.
00:42:38Oh, mom, we have a relationship.
00:42:40We do? what? what is our relationship?
00:42:42Well, we -- exactly.
00:42:46Maybe an intense weekend together was not the best idea for us.
00:42:51Maybe we need to start with something simpler.
00:42:54Like what, a brisk walk around the block?
00:42:58No, I hate exercise.
00:42:59Oh, well, as long as you find this amusing.
00:43:03Mom, come on, there has to be something else -- something small.
00:43:09Like what?
00:43:14Where are you going? lorelai, come back here.
00:43:17You don't just walk out on a person.
00:43:21That's a robe.
00:43:22Yes. this is my robe.
00:43:22And I want you to go into your room and get your robe.
00:43:26And then, exactly at the same time, we are gonna shove these robes in our suitcases, and we are gonna walk out that door and leave with them.
00:43:34That's stealing!
00:43:35Yes, it is.
00:43:36That's how we're going to bond?
00:43:38Mom, you love this robe.
00:43:39You've talked about nothing but this robe.
00:43:41So this robe will be symbolic of our trip together.
00:43:44As soon as they check the room, they're going to know the robes are gone, and then they're going to charge our credit card.
00:43:49How do you know?
00:43:50Because that's what the little tag on the hanger says.
00:43:53The little tag on the hanger could be right, or the tag could just be there trying to scare us away from trying.
00:44:00Whether we get away with it or not, it's something we did -- you and i.
00:44:05You're serious.
00:44:06I'm folding this robe up.
00:44:09Lorelai.
00:44:10I'm putting this robe in my bag.
00:44:12That's lunacy.
00:44:13I am zipping up the bag that contains the robe.
00:44:15I have a perfectly good robe at home.
00:44:18The only question is, am I doing it alone?
00:44:21Did you ever steal a robe with rory?
00:44:25No, rory would never steal.
00:44:26She's far too moral for that.
00:44:28..
00:44:31What's it gonna be?
00:44:32I should have my head examined.
00:44:34We'll make an appointment when we get back.
00:44:37You do know in the course of one night, you've turned me into an adulterer and a thief.
00:44:42I'll have you working at the chicken ranch by the end of the month.
00:44:45I cannot believe I'm doing this.
00:45:06Hurry!
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00:45:29cc ] time.
00:45:52The before time.
00:45:53The time to try on, to try out.
00:45:55The time for skintimatemoisturizing cream shave.
00:45:59With deliciously rich ingredients like natural olive butter, soy and white tea.
00:46:03Skintimate gives your legs the luxurious feeling you want.
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00:46:12♪ ♪
00:46:14skintimate moisturizing cream shave.
00:46:17Get skintimate with your legs.
00:46:22expecta cheese.
00:46:23- Knock, knock. - who's there?
00:46:25 interrupt-- - cheese! - I should have seen that one coming.
00:46:30You should've, 'cause that was-- I even told you I was gonna be interrupting you.
00:46:36( snickering, laughing ) Moray, ist it?
00:46:42..
00:46:45Bee ke it intoevery cious cracker.
00:46:47Because at cheez-it,real cheese matters.
00:46:52Cleanwith freshness?
00:46:54[ Can ]FEBREZE? PLEASE.
00:46:55I mean, so what if he cleans,like, really, really well, and he always smells,like, amazing?
00:46:59 no, no, no, no, no.
00:47:00You are antibacterial, hoss.
00:47:02Oh, yeah! let me see that swagger.
00:47:04Yeah!
00:47:05Oh, wait, no, no, no, no.don't do that anymore.
00:47:07What?
00:47:08He's antibacterial, too.
00:47:09No. what? surprise!
00:47:10[ Male Announcer ] CLEANSAND LEAVES FEBREZE Freshness and kills 99.9% of bacteria.
00:47:15Also try our new bathroom spray that tackles soap scumand leaves febreze freshness.
00:47:43[ Pounding ] you actually got grandma to steal a bathrobe?
00:47:51Although I did catch her trying to return it while I was getting the car.
00:47:55Life with my mother -- one step forward, 5,000 steps back.
00:47:58It's kind of like the spastic polka.
00:48:00Excuse me. are you done?
00:48:02No, sorry, not yet.
00:48:03You're gonna eat that half a piece of bacon that's been sitting there for 10 minutes?
00:48:06I mean, of course, you must be if you're saying you're not done.
00:48:08Because that's the only thing that's left in front of you.
00:48:11You're hogging the table.
00:48:12If you keep it up, I'm ordering seconds.
00:48:15Fine.
00:48:16Paris looked a little green this morning.
00:48:17She had a sugar-carb hangover of monumental proportions.
00:48:21People don't realize it, but it takes years of training to be able to eat the way we do.
00:48:25So, what's on the agenda for today?
00:48:27Dean, dean, and, oh, did I mention dean?
00:48:30Wow, he must have been crazy mad last night.
00:48:32I'd say that was a fair assessment.
00:48:34I gotta get to the inn.
00:48:35Okay, well, I'm probably gonna have dinner ..
00:48:38I'll have the house to myself tonight.
00:48:40Life's funny, isn't it?
00:48:41I simply cannot stop laughing.
00:48:44I'll get the check.
00:48:45Thanks, hon.
00:48:48Hey, luke.
00:48:48What, you find a nail in your food?
00:48:50Tom, you are dead. you hear me? dead!
00:48:53There's nothing wrong with the food, luke.
00:48:56Oh. sorry, tom.
00:48:56I just wanted to thank you.
00:48:58For what?
00:48:59For the care package.
00:49:00What care package?
00:49:01Hey, luke, I think they hit the water line again.
00:49:04Tom, you're dead. you hear me? dead!
00:49:09Huh, interesting.
00:49:11You wanna pay?
00:49:11I don't think luke knew anything about the food last night.
00:49:14That'll be $12.50.
00:49:14Which means you lied about why you came over.
00:49:17I don't have any quarters.
00:49:18I'm gonna have to give you nickles.
00:49:20Now, why would you lie about something like that?
00:49:22Here's your change. come again soon.
00:49:24You wanted to come over.
00:49:25I have to get back to work.
00:49:26You're squirming. it's entertaining.
00:49:29Oh, yeah? yeah.
00:49:34Dean. hey.
00:49:35Hi.
00:49:35Rory's just inside paying.
00:49:37She's coming out to meet you after.
00:49:39Yeah, we're gonna spend the day together.
00:49:43That's great.
00:49:44Yeah, it is.
00:49:44So, listen, rory told me everything that happened last night.
00:49:48She feels just terrible about it.
00:49:51I know.
00:49:51Good. you should.
00:49:52'Cause it's just one of those freaky, unfortunate things that happens.
00:49:57Freaky and unfortunate. yeah.
00:49:59She had nothing to do with jess coming over, believe me.
00:50:03She did not want him there.
00:50:05That's what she told me.
00:50:06Rory wouldn't lie, right?
00:50:10No, rory wouldn't lie.
00:51:03Lorelai:HEY, in, --ah!
00:51:04thumb.
00:51:05Leave a message.
00:51:06Emily:I AM SO TIRED OF THIS RIDICULOUS MACHINE.
00:51:09That was close.
00:51:10 what is it that you do?
00:51:12Is your house that awful you can't be in it?
00:51:14It's too much excitement, if you ask me.
00:51:16What isn't in emily's rules of conduct?
00:51:17 I'll call you later.
00:51:20If you had your way, mother, you'd lock us up like veal.
00:51:23[ Telephone rings ] Lorelai:HEY, WE'RE NOT IN, SO --AH! BASHED My thumb.
00:51:27Leave a message.
00:51:28Emily:IT'S ME AGAIN.
00:51:29Don't forget my d.a.r. meeting's on tuesday.
00:51:32It's burned into my brain. it's there forever.
00:51:343:00, And the women are all extremely punctual.
00:51:38When I'm senile and gaga and drooling into ..
00:51:41So expect us all to be there.
00:51:43 meeting is that tuesday.
00:51:46I'll talk to you about some other things later.
00:51:49I'd have to be deprogrammed by cult deprogrammers to get that tuesday out of my brain.
00:51:53[ Telephone rings ] Lorelai:HEY, WE'RE NOT IN, SO --AH! BASHED My thumb.
00:51:57Leave a message.
00:51:57Emily:YOUR PHONE MESSAGE IS ANNOYING.
00:52:00Unbelievable.
00:52:01Do you know how annoying it is?
00:52:02I think I have a standard against which to measure it.
00:52:05You need to hear it for yourself.
00:52:07Can't because I'm amputating my ears.
00:52:09You don't even say your name.
00:52:11And that thumb-bashing thing -- is that a joke?
00:52:14Ugh! an earless world! what a dream!
00:52:18♪♪ If you're outon the road ♪♪
00:52:22♪♪ feelin' lonelyand so cold ♪♪
00:52:26♪♪ all you have to do is call my name ♪♪
00:52:31♪♪ and I'll be there on the next train ♪♪
00:52:35♪♪ where you lead, I will follow ♪♪
00:52:40♪♪ anywhere that you tell me to ♪♪
00:52:44♪♪ if you need ♪♪
00:52:47♪♪ you need me to be with you ♪♪
00:52:49♪♪ I will follow ♪♪
00:52:51♪♪ oh, oh, oh ♪♪
00:52:53♪♪ where you lead, I will follow ♪♪
00:52:58♪♪ any, anywhere that you tell me to ♪♪
00:53:02♪♪ if you need ♪♪
00:53:04♪♪
00:53:04♪♪
00:53:04♪♪ you need me to be with you ♪♪
00:53:07♪♪ I will follow where you lead ♪♪
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00:56:09Haven't you already tasted that one, mom?
00:56:12Twice. you've tastedthat soup twice.
00:56:14You keeping a running count?
00:56:15I'm morbidly fascinated.
00:56:18The first taste acclimates the palate, the second establishes a foundation, and the third is to make your decision.
00:56:24Oh, there's gonna be a third taste.
00:56:25Isn't that what this is for, to taste the soups?
00:56:27Not to orally deduce their chemical structures.
00:56:30Everything has to be at your pace.
00:56:32Or at a pace that can't be measured by the number of times the earth circles the sun.
00:56:36Actually, I've heard that.
00:56:37One is to acclimate,two is for foundation, and three is to judge.
00:56:41The women in my d.a.r. group are very picky.
00:56:43When the pââté at the meetingheddy covington organized was slightly less chilledthan appropriate, she was ostracized for a month.
00:56:50That hussy heddy had it coming.
00:56:53Lorelai.
00:56:53They're on time for once. good.
00:56:54Do me a favor and tell michel that on wednesday -- lorelai, please!
00:56:58Mom, I got a lot of other things happening here that can't come to a grinding halt for this.
00:57:04Your full attention for a short period is too much to ask for?
00:57:07Mom, I'm already giving you more attention than I would someone in these circumstances.
00:57:13No one else would get 8 soups to taste for -- sorry. a not lousy d.a.r. meeting.
00:57:19Would you like me to pay for the tasting?
00:57:21No, mom, just decide in this calendar year.
00:57:24 the mushroom is a great choice.
00:57:28It's super popular, and it's my jackson's favorite.
00:57:33Whose?
00:57:33Jackson, my fiancé.
00:57:34Oh, you're getting married?
00:57:36To the best man in the world.
00:57:37While we're on the subject -- bridesmaids' outfits.
00:57:40I've already got a couple of ideas.
00:57:42Is one of them having me design and make them so I don't secretly hate what you pick and harbor a secret grudge against you?
00:57:49It is now.
00:57:50I'll do it.
00:57:50That fellow's on the phone from the restaurant.
00:57:53The flannel man with the protruding ankles.
00:57:56Oh, luke?
00:57:56I forgot his name from the desk to here.
00:57:59That's how memorable he is.
00:58:00Where are you going? can't you call him back?
00:58:02Have your third taste, mom.
00:58:05Lorelai!
00:58:05Is she always this scattered?
00:58:07She's the stablest person I know.
00:58:10That's very sad.
00:58:11Well, I think you're right. mushroom.
00:58:16Great.
00:58:17So tell me more about your wedding.
00:58:18I've just started planning, so there's not that much to tell.
00:58:21Have you decided on anything yet -- the location or the music for the ceremony maybe?
00:58:25We'll probably just wind up playing something off a cd.
00:58:29OH. CDs CAN BE VERY UNRELIABLE.
00:58:31They break sometimes or they skip or the person assigned to turn them on and off gets distracted, and the whole ceremony is ruined.
00:58:40I hadn't thought of that.
00:58:41Have you thought about live music?
00:58:44A nice string ensemble.
00:58:45That sounds nice.
00:58:46There are a couple of wonderful groups i could recommend.
00:58:49 I guess it doesn't hurt to check 'em out.
00:58:53No, it doesn't.
00:58:58Mushroom soup.
00:59:00String quartet.
00:59:05Luke?
00:59:05Yeah. hi. how's it going?
00:59:07Pretty good. how's things with you?
00:59:09Not bad. dropped some eggs.
00:59:11Hazard of the business.
00:59:13Am I catching you at a bad time?
00:59:15No, it's kind of slow here.
00:59:17So slow, in fact, that michel and I were about to get the tetherball out.
00:59:20That's the thing with the ball tethered to a rope?
00:59:22I never knew that's where the tether comes from.
00:59:25Yeah, it's tethered.
00:59:25It's tied like an anchor is tethered to a rope on a boat.
00:59:28Most people probably don't put that together.
00:59:32Probably not.
00:59:33So anything else?
00:59:35Yeah, actually.
00:59:35If I needed a room or two for a couple of days,

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